


The Scenery I Shared With You

by Camphalfgalra



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Letters, Leukemia, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 06:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17502971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camphalfgalra/pseuds/Camphalfgalra
Summary: When Katie “Pidge” Holt was sixteen, she met a boy.That boy changed her life forever in ways that she never could’ve imagined when she bumped into him for the first time in a small cafe right beside their high school, and it all started with a small accident.“Did you really spill coffee all over my headphones?!”





	The Scenery I Shared With You

Pidge was never good with dealing with people. 

She looked around the crowded cafe, grunting impatiently when she noticed just how many people were pouring into the normally quiet residence. Looking down at her phone, she internally groaned. 

Of course it was fucking crowded. It was time for her to actually go to school now if she didn’t want to be late. 

“Hey, Matt? I’ve gotta bounce,” she called out, standing up and slinging her bag over her shoulder. 

Matt glanced at her briefly from the cash register, nodding and waving her off dismissively. “Yeah, okay. Be good at school, Pidge!”

“Yeah, whatever,” she said with a roll of her eyes, turning her attention back to her table. 

She leaned down to pick up her headphones and notebook, only to be pushed back into another table as a stranger pushed past her, a cup of coffee in his hands. Instead of yelling at him for pushing her, however, she only stared in horror at the disaster on her previously spotless table. 

“Did you really spill coffee all over my headphones?!”

The stranger winced, holding his now half empty cup of coffee protectively against his chest. 

“I, uh...I think so. I am so, so sorry.”

“This shit wasn’t cheap, man!”

“I know, I know! I’m sorry, okay? Listen, can I make it up to you? Maybe buy you some new ones?”

“Those were three hundred bucks,” she scowled, glaring up at him. “Unless you’re willing to spend three hundred on headphones, don’t even think that you can repay me.”

“Oh,” the stranger visibly paled. “Are you sure there’s nothing else I can do?”

“You’ve done enough,” she grouched, picking up her now wet headphones, shaking them above the table. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah? Well you should be,” she hissed, dropping them on the table. 

She collected her stained notebook and held it out in front of her, glaring up menacingly at the stranger. 

“Have a nice day, asshole.”

She turned on her heel and stormed out of the cafe, ignoring the stranger’s and Matt’s calls. 

She scowled as she fumbled through the pocket of her sweater, pulling out old earbuds that she kept there in case of an emergency. Plugging them into her phone, she let music blast through them as she ran towards school. 

Before she could even reach the intersection, however, she slipped and fell, slamming face first into the concrete. She groaned and swiped her hand across her chin, where she could feel blood coming out. 

A few students from the school snickered as they walked past her, whispering to each other about the large wound in her chin. 

Pidge only sighed, picking herself off the floor and pressing a napkin to her chin. 

This day was off to a great fucking start.

* * *

“Hold up. You mean to tell me that you spilled coffee all over some chick’s headphones?” Lance asked incredulously, his calculator laying forgotten on the table. 

“Not just any kind of headphones. _Three hundred dollars_ worth of headphones,” Keith groaned, sinking in his chair. 

“Dude. Did you plan it or…?”

“Of course I didn’t!” Keith replied exasperatedly, throwing his hands up in the air. “The coffee just slipped out of my grip!”

“All over her headphones, huh? Well, it sucks to be you,” Lance shrugged. “What did she say?”

“She yelled at me for like five minutes and then stormed out,” Keith groaned. “Lance, she was wearing our school uniform. She goes to this hell hole!”

“So? It’s not like you’re going to see her,” Lance replied, circling an answer on his math sheet. “The school is a big place, Keith. What are the chances that you’ll meet the girl who you just happened to leave a bad impression on? One out of five thousand?”

“There’s still a chance I’ll meet her again, though,” Keith sighed, circling the same answer as Lance on his worksheet, “and if I do, I’m so fucked. I’m literally fucked if I see her again.”

“Aw, cheer up man. At least a girl actually noticed you this time,” Lance grinned. 

“Choke and die, McClain.”

“Mister Kogane and Mister McClain. Would you mind explaining why you’re talking instead of focusing on your calculus problems?” 

Keith gulped, looking up at his teacher in embarrassment. 

“Sorry, Ms. Altea.”

She nodded. “And you, Mister McClain? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Has anyone ever told you that your eyes sparkle like the stars themselves? I mean, you truly are the epitome of beauty–”

“That’s quite enough,” Allura inhaled sharply. “Get back to doing your work before I tell your parents that you were disrupting my class _again_.”

She walked away from the two, leaving them to roll their eyes in annoyance. 

“She acts like she didn’t do the exact same thing years ago,” Keith said with a roll of his eyes. “It’s the same thing in Shiro’s class, too.”

“I think that being a teacher just makes you old and cranky really fast,” Lance replied, typing in numbers into his calculator. “I mean, just look at Coran. The guy is fifty and acts like he’s twenty because he isn’t a teacher. His projects kill me.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “They actually kill me, you know. Who has time to build robots, anyways?”

“You signed up for the club, Keith. Oh, that reminds me!” He perked up, “there’s this new girl joining us today. I met her in my history class, and she seems pretty interested in building stuff.”

“So you just offered her a spot on the robotics team like that? Does Coran know?”

“Pfft. Coran’s been trying to get her on the team since freshman year, and he’s never been able to convince her. Me, though? I’m the master at convincing people to join stuff.”

“Yeah, even stuff they don’t want to do,” Keith snorted. 

“I resent that!”

Keith only laughed lightly before turning his attention back to his math work, leaving Lance to do the same thing. 

His thoughts, however, kept drifting over to the girl who he had bumped into earlier that day. She seemed really upset. He would also be upset if someone dropped coffee on his headphones, though. Shiro would be even more upset that his money went down the drain when it could’ve been going to medical bills. 

He shook his thoughts from his head, determined not to think about anything medical related. That was something to worry about in another time, not now when he was healthy. As healthy as a person in remission could be, anyways.

He was shaken from his daydreaming as the bell rang, signaling the end of eighth period. 

All the students breathed a sigh of relief as they began to stuff their books into their bags hastily, ready to leave the school once and for all for the day. Keith couldn’t blame them, though. It was Friday, after all. 

“Remember to do pages eighty one and eighty two as a warm up for our next lesson on Monday! Don’t forget that we also have a quiz!” Allura called out as the teenagers began filtering out of the room. 

Once everyone was gone, she turned to look at Lance and Keith, who were waiting for her expectantly at her desk. 

“Must you two always make a lesson so difficult? It’s hard enough trying to teach calculus, but with you two basically shouting, it’s even more difficult!” Allura said exasperatedly, picking up her purse from her chair. 

“Allura, we had an actual crisis today. I know, I always say that, but it’s true! Keith spilled coffee all over some girl’s headphones, and she nearly killed him for it!”

Allura raised a brow, turning to look at Keith. “Seriously?”

Keith nodded miserably. “To top it all off, they’re worth three hundred dollars. I would usually pay for the damages, but I don’t have three hundred dollars to spare. Shiro would kill me if I told him I needed three hundred for headphones!”

Allura’s eyes softened, her expression going somber. “Ah, right. He would. Well, did you at least apologize?”

“Like eight different times, ‘Lura. She didn’t even care, though. She took off after yelling at me, but she left the headphones on the table.”

“Well, do you have them?”

“No, the cashier came to apologize for her yelling at me and took them away. He looked more embarrassed than angry about the fact that she yelled at me, though.”

“Hm. Well, at least you don’t have to see her anymore,” Allura responded, walking out of the classroom with Keith and Lance. 

“That’s the problem. She was wearing our school uniform,” Keith groaned. “She goes to the same freaking school as us!”

“If she’s a freshman or sophomore you don’t really have to worry about her. They typically stay on the east side of school grounds,” Allura replied, locking the door behind her. “However, if she’s a junior or senior, then you might have a bit of a problem.”

“Yeah, but it’s not really that big of a problem,” Lance said, shooting Allura small glare. “Stop scaring him!”

“Lance, please. I’m just saying it to be real here. If she’s a junior or senior, his chances of seeing her around are larger than if she were a freshman or sophomore.”

“Yeah, but the student body is also really big,” Lance frowned. “Your chances of meeting her are really slim. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, you know.”

“Yeah, well, thanks,” Keith grumbled, pushing the door open to Coran’s classroom. “This is just what I needed.”

Allura looked at him worriedly, glancing between him and Lance quickly. She chuckled lightly, turning to place a hand on Lance’s shoulder. 

“Lance, would you please go try to find Coran? Tell him that he should bring back some donuts if he’s going to raid the teacher’s lounge again.”

Lance nodded. “Sure. I’ll be right back,” he said before running out of the room, leaving Keith and Allura alone. 

Allura turned to look back at Keith, who was glaring at a spot on the opposite wall. 

“Are you alright?”

“No,” he grumbled. “Listen, I would genuinely buy her a new headphone set, but I don’t have three hundred dollars to spare. Shiro already worries about the medical bills, and I don’t need him to worry about this. It’s just me making another stupid mistake.”

“Was it one of your muscle spasms?”

“...yeah.”

Allura frowned. “They came back again?”

“Allura, can we please not talk about this here? I don’t talk about it so freely, you know.”

“Right, of course. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

The two stood there in silence before Keith sighed, looking up at Allura with a small frown. 

“I’m sorry I yelled. Yes, my symptoms are picking up again. No, I haven’t told Shiro yet. I don’t plan on telling him either.”

Allura gasped. “You _have_ to tell him, Keith! Do you remember what happened when you were twelve?”

“Allura, I’m tired of living off of chemo every three years because my stupid cancer decides to come back. At this point, I’d rather focus my time on doing the things I want to do instead of focusing on cancer all the time.”

“That’s... _sad_. Keith, if you really want a better life, then you should focus on actually trying to stay alive.”

“Allura, I’ve been on chemo so many times since I was four. I’m sixteen, and I’m not allowed to go out of the country because I’ve never been medically stable. I am tired, and I am not talking about it anymore.”

“But Keith–”

“Oh look, I think I hear Lance!”

Allura grunted in annoyance. “This isn’t the last time we talk about this, Keith.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re going to love robotics club. Right, Coran?”

“Indeed, my boy. We build all sorts of stuff, and it’s all very intriguing, but we usually keep it to ourselves. This year, however, we plan on entering the state competition for best project!”

“Do you even have enough teams for that?”

“Of course we do! We have team MFE who have been our main rival for the past three years, and then we also have team Marmora. Most of them have sports practice today, though, so it’s mostly just us and team Marmora.”

“Us? Who’s ‘us’?”

“You’ll see.”

Keith felt the hairs in the back of his neck stand up as the voices got louder, his heart thumping wildly in his chest for some unknown reason. Fear? Anxiety? He didn’t know. 

“Those are our main stars! Hunk, mind introducing our team Voltron to our newest member?”

“Sure,” Hunk chirped. “This is Allura. She’s a calc teacher, but she really loves helping us build our projects. And then, this is–”

“You!”

Keith felt his blood run cold, his eyes widening as he realized who was standing next to Lance. 

There, in all her five foot glory, stood the same girl who he had bumped into this morning, the same girl who had yelled at him for ruining her headphones. 

He gulped. “H-hey.”

“You guys know each other something?” Lance asked, raising a brow and looking curiously between the duo. 

“Oh we’ve met,” Pidge snapped, glaring at Keith. “How are you, stranger? Ruin any more headphones today?”

“That was an accident!” Keith screeched, his voice cracking, “I didn’t mean to spill it–“

“Oh save your breath, jackass! You ruined a perfectly good pair of headphones!”

“How many times do I have to apologize for that?!”

“Okay,” Hunk said slowly but loudly, stepping between the two, “I see that there is a bit of awkwardness here, but can you two make up about it already? We need to focus on our project here.”

“They cost three hundred dollars, Hunk! Three hundred fu–”

“Apologize,” he said sternly. “I’m sure Keith didn’t mean to do it. Right, Keith?”

“Of course not! I would never do something like that on purpose!”

Pidge huffed, turning her body away from him. “I’m still not convinced that you aren’t a grade A asshole, _Keith_.”

“Oh come on!”

“Pidge, come on! Look, I’m sure he’s not as bad of a person as you think he is. You can’t judge people without knowing them, you know,” Lance said, trying to encourage her to talk. 

“Hmph.”

“Okay, you know what? I’m a complete asshole,” Keith sighed in resignation, lowering his head. “I was wrong to spill coffee all over your stuff. I was wrong for being such a klutz. There. Satisfied?”

Pidge narrowed her eyes, her glare piercing his soul. “Not quite, but it’ll do for now.”

“Thank you,” Hunk exhaled in relief. “Now, let's get to the project!”

Pidge rolled her eyes as Lance pushed her into a seat, glancing warily at the boy beside her. 

“You’re still an ass.”

“And you’re still an insensitive person. Got it.”

“Hmph.”

The rest of the meeting went smooth, with a few details discussed as to what their project should actually be. They decided on making it a robot, but ended it on that note instead of actually discussing how the robot would look like. Time ran out before they could actually design it, although they did agree that in order to win the robotics competition, it had to stand out. 

Keith rolled his eyes at the mention of the robotics competition. As if he’d live long enough to see the robot actually be unfolded. It would be a miracle if he made it to December at the rate that he was going.

“Why are you designing the robot now if it’s literally the last month of school? We’re on break for the rest of the summer. Shouldn’t we focus on the robot after we come back from summer vacation?” Pidge inquired, raising a brow. 

“We have to plan it now so that we don’t rush it. The competition is in April, after all. We want it to be perfect,” Lance explained, “and for that, we need time. Do I explain myself?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“My, it is getting rather late,” Allura murmured, looking down at her watch. “We should get a move on before we get kicked out by the principal. Remember, during our next meet up, we’ll discuss when we’re going to meet up over the summer. Have a wonderful evening!”

They filtered out of the room, Pidge tucked between Lance and Hunk while Keith walked alongside Lance, not even bothering to look at her. 

Once they reached the street, Keith sat down on the front steps, Pidge doing the same. Lance and Hunk hastily said their goodbyes as they piled into Veronica’s minivan, leaving the two alone in front of the school. 

Pidge eyed him wearily, looking back and forth between him and her hands before sighing. 

“Look, I know you didn’t mean to drop the coffee all over my stuff. And I was lying, actually.”

Keith lifted his head up, looking at her with wide eyes. “What?”

“The headphones? Yeah, they weren’t three hundred bucks. Well, not bought, anyways. I made them from scratch, which is why I was so pissed when you broke them.”

“So I’m not in a three hundred dollar debt?” 

“No,” Pidge snickered, “but I am. I’m going to try and fix them. I guess that what I wanted to say is that I’m...I’m sorry for calling you an asshole. I was just so upset about it, you know?”

Keith sent her a small smile. “I know. If someone did that to me, I’d react like you did, too.”

“See? And Matt says I overreacted,” she grumbled. “Ugh. My brother can be even more of a pain in the ass than you, you know.”

“The cashier?”

“Yeah, him. How’d you know? Are you stalking me?” She asked suspiciously. 

“What?! Of course not!” Keith sputtered, face flushing red. “Why would I stalk you? If I did that, you would’ve killed me!”

“Fair point. Huh,” she grinned, “You’re wise. Not chasing after me when I’m clearly mad is a win on your side. I’m slowly starting to like you more and more, Keith.”

“Pretty sure you hated me like ten minutes ago, though.”

“Nah. I just hated your actions, not you. Big difference there, you know.”

“Hm. Seems like the same thing to me, though.”

“Yeah, but it’s not,” she replied with a small roll of her eyes. “Be thankful that I’m showing mercy. Last time Lance tried something, I didn’t talk to him for like a week.”

“What’d he do? Try to hit on you?”

“Exactly,” she grumbled. “I swear, he hits on everything that has two legs.”

“Hey”, Keith chuckled, “that’s my best friend you’re talking about. Even if it’s true, you shouldn’t say it.”

Pidge’s lips curled into a grin. “I like you, Keith.”

“I’m still deciding if I should trust you or not. You seem like the type of person who says they like someone before stabbing them in their sleep.”

“Nah, that’s Sincline. He’s the only teacher who looks too perfect to be true.”

“That’s Allura’s best friend. Be nice,” Keith scolded. 

Pidge shrugged. “Nice isn’t my forte.” 

A car beeped in the distance, both Keith and Pidge perking up upon hearing the noise. Pidge stood up when she recognized Matt’s small car, smiling widely. 

She looked back down at Keith, her smile turning into a small frown. “Do you need a ride? We can take you home.”

“Nah. My brother is a teacher here. I’m just waiting for him to finish up work to drive me home,” Keith said dismissively. “Thanks for the offer, though. You might be nice after all.”

“Heh. Maybe. See you around, Keith.”

She scampered off, leaving Keith to watch after her with a small smile. 

As she drove away with her brother, he felt a his hands tremble, his phone almost falling out of his hand. He frowned, stuffing the phone into his jean pocket and resting his hands at his side. 

Allura was right. He should tell Shiro and his mom, but he didn’t want to. He had caused them enough trouble already, especially his mom, who worried every time he even got a cold. 

“Hey. You ready to leave?”

“Only if you don’t blast country music,” Keith replied, stuffing his hands into the pockets off his jeans. 

“Please. At least it isn’t MCR,” Shiro replied dryly, walking alongside Keith into the school parking lot. 

“At least I _have_ taste. Adam must’ve hurt you really bad if you listen to Before He Cheats on repeat every time we’re in the car, even if he didn’t cheat on you.”

“Hey, Carrie Underwood is a goddess,” Shiro pouted. “Speaking of goddesses, Allura texted me.”

Keith felt his blood run cold. “She did? What did she say?”

“First she yelled at me for not showing up to the club,” Shiro said, rubbing the back of his neck, “but then she started telling me about how you spilled coffee all over someone’s headphones. Then she mentioned that it was because of a tremor.”

Keith inhaled sharply. “Ah. Don’t you just love Allura? Telling everyone’s business like it’s fresh gossip?”

“Keith, she told me because she’s worried about you, and I am too. The doctors told you to tell us if your symptoms started picking up again, so why did you try and hide it from me?”

“Shiro, I’m just exhausted, okay? I’m tired of having to go to get my blood drawn every weekend, and I’m tired of the treatment every time my stupid cancer comes back. I don’t want to do it anymore, Shiro.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I’m saying that if I’m sick, I don’t want chemo. You can put me into a hospital or whatever, but no more medicine, no more nothing. If I die, I want it to be in bed with my friends around me.”

“Keith,” Shiro said softly, “you don’t _really_ want to die, do you?”

“I want a life where my body isn’t constantly hurting. If it has to be this way, then so be it.”

“I...we’ll talk about it with your mom later,” Shiro said quietly. “We aren’t going to let you do that.”

“Watch me, Shiro. Oh, and by the way? The girl that I spilled coffee on might just be one of my new friends.”

“You can’t switch subjects like that, Keith. You go from death to friends so fast, it’s giving me whiplash.”

“You said we’d talk about it with my mom later, so I’m dropping it and changing the conversation. Want to hear about how Allura called us out in calc class today?”

Shiro sighed. “Fine.”

“Good. So, there Lance and I were, talking about bullshit…”

He ignored the sad frown Shiro cast his way, the worry lines in the older man’s forehead deepening. He hated them, but they seemed to be there as a permanent mark. He didn’t care what Shiro thought, if he was going to be frank. In that moment, he only cared about himself and just himself. 

He would never go back on his word, he decided. 

(However, he didn’t know that fate had different plans for him.)

* * *

“So we have to meet up weekly during the summer? That’s so gross,” Pidge groaned, kicking a small rock with the tip of her shoe. 

“Well, you did kind of sign up for it when you fell for Lance’s begging,” Keith chuckled lightly. “Cheer up, though. It isn’t going to be so bad.”

“And you know this because…?”

“Because I’ve been part of this group since freshman year,” Keith grinned. “It seems like it's going to suck, but it ends up being really fun. Sometimes we go out instead of working on the project. Last year, Shiro and Allura took us on a ferry boat trip.”

“Seriously? I thought this was a robotics club,” Pidge said with a raised brow. 

“That’s the official title on paper, Pidge. The actual title is team Voltron. We’re all friends, and you’ll fit in just fine. I mean, didn’t Shiro and Matt end up knowing each other?”

“Yeah. That was super weird, by the way. I would’ve seen you around if Shiro and Matt knew each other,” she said in confusement. 

“Yeah, that was weird.”

“Huh.” She paused in the middle of the sidewalk, looking at the opposite street curiously.

“Uh. Are you...okay?”

“I want McDonald’s. You in?”

Keith shrugged. “If you’re buying, sure.”

“Wow. Such a gentleman,” she said with a roll of her eyes. 

The pair walked into the McDonald’s, and once they had their food, sat down in one of the booths in a far corner of the restaurant.

Keith raised a brow as he watched her pick up a chicken nugget, stuffing it in her mouth. 

“What?”

“Why are you eating nuggets when there are burgers right there?”

Pidge snorted, balancing her head on her knuckles. “Well, Keith, some of us like nuggets. I was raised with a happy meal, and now I only eat nuggets.”

“You mean you’ve never eaten a burger here?” Keith questioned her, his mouth slightly open. 

“What? Is that such a crime? I only like the burgers from Burger King.”

“The fries though…”

“Oh, of course McDonald’s beats them in fries. But burgers? Nah,” she shuddered, “my brother does the same thing, too.”

“Wow,” Keith chuckled, “so much of your brother is imprinted in you. Who would’ve thought?”

“And you?” Pidge asked, tilting her head to the side. “What do you have of Shiro?”

Keith pursed his lips. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what traits did you get from him? He _is_ your brother, right?”

“Adopted,” Keith answered, “and I don’t know. We’re not really similar in any type of way.”

“Huh. Well, you have to have something in common with him,” Pidge tried, smiling slightly. “Come on, Keith.”

“I’m telling you, we’re two really different people. Maybe some leadership qualities, but not even that. I don’t think I’m ever going to measure up to how Shiro acts,” Keith mused aloud, taking a sip of his drink. 

“You have a whole lifetime in front of you for that,” Pidge grinned. “Besides, your sarcastic ass seems a bit similar to Shiro. He’s really sarcastic too when he’s not around other normal people, like you.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “I think you’re blind.”

“I wear glasses, so in a way, I am,” she shrugged. “Also, I hope you don’t mind, but why do you never wear any freaking short sleeves?”

Keith’s eyes widened. “What?”

“You’re wearing a jacket in like, seventy eight degree weather,” she said with a wrinkle of her nose. “You sick or something?”

“Ah, not really,” he said quietly, tugging on his jacket self consciously. “I just get cold easily.”

“It’s summer, dude. How cold can you get?”

“I’m like, extremely sensitive to the weather,” he chuckled lightly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not going to have a heat stroke.”

“Hm. Well, if you say so,” she shrugged. “In that case, you should really get a different jacket. You wear the same one almost every day.”

“I like it,” Keith said defensively. “Besides, it’s not like another jacket is in my plans. I’m just trying to get through this year and that’s it.”

“I’m making it my mission to buy you a new jacket,” she huffed, pointing a nugget at his face, “and you have to tell me what size you are so I can do it.”

Keith wrinkled his nose. “Wow, so demanding. If you really want to know, you’ll have to stick around long enough.”

“You’re so weird.”

“At least I don’t wear glasses.”

“Hey!” She pouted, throwing a French fry at his face, “take it back, insensitive bitch!”

“Oops. Here,” he said, throwing a French fry back at her, “there’s your apology.”

“Wh–Hey!” She laughed, shielding her face, “stop!”

“Oh, you want more? I’m sorry,” he smirked, throwing another French fry, “I don’t know what came over me.”

“Stop!” She laughed, her cheeks turning a pretty shade of joyful pink. 

Keith blinked slowly, a warm feeling starting to unravel in his stomach the longer he stared at her. Amber brown eyes looked back at him, full of mirth and youthful joy. 

“You need to stop throwing french fries,” she grinned, picking one up and sticking it in her mouth. “You’re wasting valuable money here!”

“Right, two cents. Such a waste.”

“Every penny counts. Hey, pass me those ketchup packets, will you?”

Keith hummed before picking them up, handing them to her. Before they could make it into her open palm, however, they fell as he hand twitched, the boy losing grip on the packets. 

Pidge frowned, picking them up. “You good?”

“Ah, yeah. Just tired,” he smiled wearily. “Sorry for that. No sleep lately.”

“I feel,” she smiled sympathetically, “although, for me, it’s typically because I stay up late on my laptop. My parents think they can stop me, but they can’t.”

“Ha,” Keith grinned, “young child privileges?”

“They love me.”

“Spoiled brat.”

“Emo.”

Keith chuckled lightly. “Touché.”

Pidge smiled at him, the boy looking down at his burger before taking a large bite out of it. She frowned, however, when she realized that is hands were still slightly trembling, the boy looking unperturbed. 

For some reason, it made her feel uneasy. 

_Maybe he’s just tired or dehydrated. He’s fine. Yeah, he’s fine. Wait, since when do I care so much about Keith?_

She shook off her feeling of unease, instead going back to eating her nuggets. The feeling, however, persisted as they walked back home, Keith hiding his hands in the pockets of his jeans instead of having them out. 

She was probably overthinking things, she decided when he laughed. _It's nothing_ , she tried to convince herself when he suddenly went somber as he realized that his hands were out of his pockets. 

(It didn’t work.)

* * *

Punctuality was not Keith’s forte, Pidge decided, when she was left alone to deal with Lance’s antics at their weekly get together. 

“So I was thinking about a design, and I decided to make them cats.”

“How the hell would that work?” Pidge asked, resting her head in her palm. “Like, it sounds cool and weird at the same time, but...why cats?”

“Yeah, I agree,” Hunk nodded. “It should be a cool animal, not cats. Maybe dogs?”

“Exactly.”

“You guys are just biased,” Lance sniffed. “I bet Keith would appreciate my cats. He loves them.”

Pidge frowned. “Speaking about Keith, where is he? I didn’t take him as the kind of person to be late to things.”

“He isn’t,” Lance replied with a small frown. “Shiro mentioned that they had a meeting of something with a dentist today.”

“I thought dentists only attended you when it was your birthday,” Hunk replied with a small raise of his brow. 

“Right?”

“Oh,” Pidge sighed in relief, “I thought it was something worse. Well, if he’s at a dentist appointment, then that’s fine I guess.”

“Aw, you suddenly care about him?” Lance cooed. 

“That’s cute,” Hunk teased. 

“What’s Allura’s excuse for not being here?”

“Went with Shiro,” Hunk sighed. “I swear, they’re like their own mini group. They’re like the insanely popular trio in all those movies.”

“Main characters,” Lance grinned. “Although, I would be the main character. I was born for the spotlight, baby! Keith? He doesn’t like spotlight.”

Lance chuckled. “All he likes is occasionally playing piano and writing.”

“Careful,” Hunk grinned, “sounds like you have a thing for him.”

“Ew, no!”

Pidge rolled her eyes. “Mhm, okay. Well, getting back on topic, Keith doesn’t look like the type of guy who only likes cats. Doesn’t he have a dog?”

“Cosmo!” Lance perked up. “He is really attached to Keith, you know. The two are like two peas in a pod.”

“That’s cute,” Pidge chuckled. 

“You? Thinking something is cute? Hunk, pinch me. I think she’s finally gone cuckoo!”

Hunk grinned. “Nah, I won’t pinch you. Not before we finish our project, anyways.”

“Cats or dogs?”

“Let me ask Keith,” Pidge said, pulling her phone out of her pocket. 

“That’s such a good idea. Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Because I’m the smart one,” Pidge replied with a smirk, pulling her chat with Keith open. 

**Pidgey Poo (2:46 PM)**  
What do you think the robot should be made out of: cats or dogs 

**Emo With a Mullet (2:47 PM)**  
Lions are better than all of those options

Pidge raised a brow. “Hey, Keith says that lions are a better option. What do you guys think?”

“Why lions?” Hunk asked with a raised brow. 

“Majestic animals that are literal kings,” Lance mused aloud, his eyes widening. “Shoot, that’s such a good idea! We’re going with lions, everyone. Hunk, pass me that pencil! I have to start brainstorming.”

“Shouldn’t we leave that to our head designer?”

“Psh. Keith can fix it if he wants,” Lance grinned, pulling out a piece of paper from his bag. “Pidge, tell Keith that our robot is going to be made up of lions.”

“Huh,” she grinned, “sure.”

 **Pidgey Poo (2:56 PM)**  
Lance says we’re going with your idea of lions 

**Emo With a Mullet (2:57 PM)**  
He agreed? The end is near

 **Pidgey Poo (2:59 PM)**  
very funny. how’s your appointment going, btw?

 **Emo With a Mullet (3:03 PM)**  
Everything is going great. Thanks for asking. 

**Pidgey Poo (3:04 PM)**  
cool cool. well, I’ll see you around soon, ok? try not to be such a pain in the ass for the dentist

 **Emo With a Mullet (3:05 PM)**  
Believe me, he’s more of a pain in my ass than I am for him

Pidge let out a small chuckle, throwing her phone to the side. Pulling up her knees to her chest, she watched fondly as Lance drew the lions, Hunk shaking his head behind him. 

Keith was fine. He was just at a regular doctor’s appointment. No mystery behind his disappearance. 

(She still worried the next day when he came back to school, his face strangely pale and long sleeved shirt under his jacket.)

* * *

Keith was not, in fact, fine.

“Your blood test showed that you are in fact relapsing yet again. We can start your chemotherapy now in hopes of ending it earlier, but we aren’t sure that it will work–”

“No.”

His doctor blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t want more chemo. Not anymore.”

“But without it, you will most likely die. Mr. Shirogane? Mrs. Kogane?”

“My brother...he talked it over with us,” Shiro replied quietly, bowing his head. “We decided that if that’s what he wants, then we won’t force him to have more treatment.”

“He will be admitted to the hospital later on, however,” Krolia replied, firmly squeezing Keith’s shoulders. “Whether he wants treatment or not, he’s going to have some. Just not chemo.”

“Without it, the cancer will spread. You realize that this will most likely lead to his death, right?”

“I’ve been dead ever since I began the treatment years ago,” Keith replied, not lifting his gaze. “If I die, I don’t want to be sick and drugged all the time. I want to be at home with my friends and family.”

“Is this really what you want?”

“Yes,” Keith said quietly. “I don’t have much left at home. I don’t want to suffer anymore.”

“Then we will give you medicine to try and control your symptoms, but as soon as your condition starts to get critical, we are going to–”

“Bring me to the hospital. Yeah, I know. It’s the same as usual. But no chemo.”

“No chemo.”

He pretended to not hear Krolia’s stifled sobs from the kitchen and Shiro’s soothing words later that night, Keith throwing himself back on his bed. 

It was for the best, he tried to convince himself. However, there was a nagging feeling in his chest. Was it really for the best? Why did he suddenly feel like it wasn’t such a good idea?

He blamed the medicine.

(Deep down inside, he knew it wasn’t the medicine.)

* * *

For some reason, Pidge found herself paying more attention to Keith. 

She wasn’t sure if she was seeing things, but Keith seemed to be running out of breath easier. It was evident during their park trip after the last day of school had ended, the soon to be juniors and seniors running races against one another. 

“Oh yeah! I told you I was going to win,” Lance grinned, his face shining with victory. “Take that, mullet!”

“Just...be thankful I’m…tired…” Keith puffed out, taking a stance and lowering his head. “Oh god that hurts.”

Pidge frowned. “You alright, Keith? You seem a little bit tired over there.”

“I’ll be...fine…” he panted out, flashing her a small smile. “It’s only...Lance…”

“What, are you saying that I’m not enough competition for you?” Lance pouted, crossing his arms across his chest. 

“Keith, you look like a tomato,” Hunk commented, his brows pinching together. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Lance stopped pouting and turned to look at Keith in concern, the boy still struggling to catch his breath. 

“Hey man, are you sure you’re good?”

“I’ll be fine,” he coughed, moving slowly towards a tree. “You go on without me.”

“Need me to call Shiro?”

“No,” Keith barked with sudden ferocity. “One cough isn’t a good….enough excuse to have him... pick me up. Besides,” he coughed, “you guys are having fun.”

“It isn’t fun without you,” Lance pouted. “Encourage him to go home, Pidge!”

“Lance, they’re going to start races. Go catch them before you lose your spot.”

Lance looked back worriedly at Keith before jogging back out into the field, hitting James Griffin in the arm with his own. 

“You sure you’re good?” Hunk asked, inching closer towards Keith. 

“Peachy,” he replied through grit teeth, trying to focus on breathing. 

“Hey, Hunk? Mind getting an ice cream for all three of us? I think Keith might need to cool down a bit,” Pidge said carefully, her gaze flickering over to Keith, who looked like he was on the brink of passing out.

“You’re right. I’ll be right back!” Hunk called out as he jogged towards the nearest ice cream truck, which was conveniently parked at the corner of the park. 

Once Hunk was gone, Pidge scooted closer towards Keith and placed a hand on his forehead. 

“God, you’re really hot...and sweaty! Gross!” She wrinkled her nose. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” he said dismissively, his breathing starting to return to normal, “just a bit tired. Nothing some sleep can’t fix.”

Pidge frowned. “Hm. You always run out of breath like that or…?”

“Sometimes,” he shrugged, averting his gaze. “You don’t have to worry about me, though. It’ll pass.”

“Why don’t we call it quits? I don’t think you’re going to be running anymore after nearly having a heart attack,” she joked lightly. 

Keith pursed his lips. “I want to race Lance again.”

“Not today, okay? You look like death.”

Keith rolled his eyes, turning his gaze back to her. “You always say that.”

“I mean it this time.” She bit her bottom lip, her brows creasing together. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Keith smiled at her. “Fine. Just a bit tired.”

Pidge sighed, reluctantly dropping the subject. “Fine. But if you race again and pass out, we’re calling Shiro.”

“I promise I won’t pass out,” Keith mockingly said, putting a hand up to his heart. 

“Hmph. You better not.”

He didn’t pass out after his next race, but he nearly puked and collapsed after he crossed the finish line. Fifth place was not a place she thought she’d see him win. Keith was Keith, and in the brief time she’d known him, he was always first or second. 

She worried when she saw just how red his face has gotten again, the back of his body and forehead slicked with fresh sweat. He looked like he was going to pass out right there and then, and Pidge pretended not to notice when he leans on the tree for support, his legs giving out under him. 

He said he was fine when Lance did notice it, but the look in his dark purple eyes told her otherwise. She didn’t pry though, still believing that it wasn’t her place to intrude. 

It didn’t stop her from worrying, though, when he continued to race and gave up mid race. 

(He gives up racing three weeks later.)

* * *

Keith hated the heat.

He blamed it for his problems and being banned from racing by Shiro and his doctor, but deep down inside, he knew that it wasn’t the heat. It was his disease, the one he refused to treat. It was the disease that was making it harder for him to run. 

It had only been a month, but he could already feel himself start to deteriorate. He hated it, but he made his choice (even if he was seriously starting to reconsider it.) He didn’t know why, but there was a nagging feeling in his chest every time he thought of leaving his friends. 

They’d be sad for a while, but they’d move on. That was the whole reason he didn’t tell them anything. At the rate his condition was worsening, however, they’d find out by the end of the summer. 

God, he was going to get chewed out by Pidge so bad.

Pidge. The name brought a smile to his face, and a small fluttering feeling to his chest. A month ago she had been a total bitch, and now, she was an absolute doll with him. Sarcastic but loving, caring but bitchy. He adored her so much. 

It was like a blessing sent from above in these trying times of his slow death.

She would kick his ass if she found out that he was refusing treatment. He technically was on medicine, but no chemo. He absolutely hated the idea of having to go through the bouts of nausea and periods of being unable to eat or even talk again.

“I heard Lance cancelled his race this Saturday with the rest of the seniors,” Shiro called out from the kitchen. “I also heard that Pidge has been bugging you about your well-being.”

“I’m just tired, Shiro. Just tired.”

“Yeah, sure.” Shiro shook his head, walking into the living room with a plate of chips. 

“I’m not going to tell you what to do, but don’t you think it’s cruel to leave them in the dark?”

“Not this again.”

“Keith, this is serious. They’re your friends, and if you leave them without warning, they’re going to hurt so much. You can’t just hide a secret this big and expect your friends not to care. I mean, they already suspect that something is going on.”

“Then they can suspect longer until I–“

“Don’t say it. Please.”

“Fine,” Keith said lowly, looking down at his hands, “I won’t. But you know that they won’t care that much.”

“Keith, you’re so stupid if you think they won’t care. They’re your friends.”

“The only one who even noticed that something’s wrong is Pidge, and she hasn’t even known me for more than two months! Lance and Hunk don’t say anything. They wouldn’t care if I was gone!”

“They’re not saying anything because you won’t explain to them what’s going on,” Shiro frowned, “and Pidge is Pidge. She notices things fast and doesn’t just let them go, especially with you.”

Keith wrinkled his nose. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that she cares about you a lot. Think of it. Have you realized that every time a symptom shows, she always asks if you’re okay? She refuses to leave your side, even when you lie and say you’re fine.”

“She’s a good friend, Shiro. Don’t try to insinuate something else.”

“I wasn’t insinuating anything,” Shiro replied, lips in a small smile. “You thought of it yourself.”

Keith’s cheeks turned crimson red, his mouth opening and closing in protest. 

“Wh–no–hello?! I don’t like her like that!”

“I think it’s sweet,” Krolia called out from the kitchen. 

“Gee, thanks, mom. I don’t like her that way! And stop looking at me like that, Shiro!”

“I’m not looking at anything,” Shiro grinned. “Can’t I just smile?”

“No, because your smile means dangerous things. I’m already dying; don’t make that day come any faster.”

Shiro’s smile immediately fell, his face growing somber. Keith grimaced, the impact of his words hurting even him. 

“I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Alright, Keith. I’ll leave you alone.”

Keith didn’t miss the way his brother’s eyes get misty, his normally brown eyes cloudy with storms in them. 

He wished he could help. 

Later that night, he mulled over what Shiro had told him. Pidge did care a lot about him, but that was just because she liked hanging out with someone who was almost like her identical two. Sarcastic, funny, and smart. She loved finding someone who she could geek out with.

Shiro was wrong. There wasn’t anything romantic about their relationship. It wasn’t like she was sent to him as some sort of guardian angel, helping him before his death. No, Shiro was wrong. 

But if Shiro was wrong, why did the thought of Pidge liking him as more than a friend make his insides flutter?

It was the voices that pulled him out of his thoughts. 

“Are you sure that nothing can get through to him?” A female voice asked, quiet and sad. “I just don’t think that he’s making a rational choice.”

“He isn’t, but it’s his choice. There’s no one who wants him to reconsider his decision more than me, but he’s too far gone to reconsider. There’s nothing that can pull him out of it.”

“There has to be something we can do, Shiro. I can't watch him just give up on life like this! What am I going to do when he’s gone?”

“I lost his father; I can’t lose him too.”

It was that comment that broke him. 

He scooted back, tugging on Cosmo and placing the dog in his lap. Cosmo looked up at him in question, licking away his tears from his face as if trying to reassure him that it was okay.

“I can’t lose him either,” he heard Shiro say quietly, “but nothing gets through to him. All I can do is hope that some kind of miracle happens, and he finds something or someone that’ll make him want to fight.”

That was all it took for Keith to fully shut his door, sitting in the darkness of his room.

Shiro was wrong. There was nothing that was going to stop him from wanting to die. That was just how it was, and no person or thing could end that. 

(Deep down inside, in the darkest pits of his heart, he secretly hoped that Shiro was right for once.)

* * *

It’s the excessive flinching that set her off the next time that they were with the entire group.

They were talking about each building an actual mini lion, each of them picking one. Hunk tried to pick the black lion, only to be beat by Shiro, who grinned victoriously when he pulled the paper out of their makeshift hat. Keith got red, Lance got blue, Hunk got yellow, and she got green. Allura and Lance agreed to share a lion, even if it meant that they have to both decide on how to actually color it without arguing over the shade of blue.

Pidge laughed when Allura pouted over not being able to paint the lion a sky blue color, Lance saying that it wouldn’t work because _“it already flies in the sky, Allura.”_

When Keith coughed from beside her, her attention shifted from the blue lion banter to him, her eyes looking over his body. She noticed how he seemed to flinch when Shiro patted his back reassuringly, trying to shrug his arm off. It set alarm bells off in her head when he flinched again after Lance hit him with a pillow, reaching up to rub his arm.

It wasn’t until they were completely alone that she began to question him.

“Why do you keep flinching?”

Keith flinched once again, looking at her like a deer caught in the headlights. “Wh-what?”

“You’re always flinching. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just...extremely sensitive?”

“Bullshit. Take off your sweater,” she declared, watching as his eyes widened in fear.

“Why should I do that? It’s freezing in here!”

“Just take it off, Keith,” she said impatiently. “What are you hiding?”

“Nothing, I swear!”

“Then take off the damn sweater!”

“But–”

“Take. It. Off.”

So he sighed, taking off the sweater. Pidge gaped at his arms, which were all covered in bruises from his wrist to his shoulders. They were large, purple, and heartbreaking for some odd reason.

Keith quickly shrugged his sweater back on, looking at her with a glare. “There. Happy?”

“No! Why do you have bruises the size of Texas?!”

“I fell while running yesterday,” he lied, fixing her with a tired expression. “Stop worrying. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of bruises–”

“That’s not a bit of bruises,” she stubbornly replied, glare hardening. “I get bruises too, but not like that! You look like a freaking grape! What is going on with you, Keith?”

“It’s nothing,” he said exasperatedly, clutching onto his arm tightly. “Stop worrying about nothing.”

He turned and walked away, leaving her to stare after him with worried eyes, something inside of her clenching harshly. 

“What’s wrong with you, Keith?” she whispered as he walked away, a slight limp in his steps.

(She doesn’t figure that out until a long time passes.)

* * *

She knew something was wrong when she talked with Shiro about Keith the next time he visited her and Matt at work.

“You used to play piano?”

“Yes,” Shiro smiled, “before I was a teacher. When the accident happened, I couldn’t play anymore. I became depressed and nearly gave up until Allura came along to help me. My old partner left me when he realized that I was potentially going to die, and she came along to help me.”

His smile slipped, and Pidge frowned.

“You good?”

“Yeah. Just...remembering things,” he sa8; with a tired smile, the same one Keith wore when he tried to hide something from her.

“Ah. Well, is that why Keith knows how to play piano?”

Shiro’s tired smile turned into a small brow raise, his lips quirking into a confused grin. “Who told you he played?”

“He did,” she said nonchalantly, “but he won’t show me. He says that he hasn’t played in a long time, which I doubt because his hands? They look like they play piano on the daily,” she laughed.

Shiro let out a small sigh, playing with the coffee spoon in his hand. “You’re close friends with him now, huh?”

“Huh? Well, yeah,” she said bluntly. “He’s a nice guy to have around. I love having someone who I can bitch about life with. He’s like...my other half, I guess?”

Shiro’s smile turned tired once more, a faraway look in his eyes.

“Would you say you love him?”

Pidge flushes red, cheeks heating up rapidly. “Wh-what?! Of course not!”

“Because if you do,” Shiro continued quietly, “then please don’t leave him when things get too difficult. If you really love someone, you stick with them until the end.”

“I...uhm…”

“Love is a dangerous thing, Pidge. If you really love someone, never let them go.”

He sipped his coffee, the faraway look in his eyes never once leaving. It made her shudder, his words resonating through her mind. It seemed like a warning, of some sort. Of what, she couldn’t place, but it striked fear and pain into her heart.

When Keith walked in, face flush and hair tied into a small low ponytail, her fears dissipated, the boy’s presence immediately putting her in a better mood. She pretended not to notice the way Shiro looks at the two of them with the same faraway look that he had spoken to her with, focusing instead on competing with Keith on who could drink coffee the fastest.

(“Just make sure you don’t spill it on my headphones, this time.” “You know what? Fuck you too.”)

* * *

Pidge realized just how ridiculous Keith was when she finds him soaked to the bone, soap suds on his body, and Cosmo out of sight. 

“Keith? Wasn’t it Cosmo who was supposed to get a bath today?” she asked, stifling a laugh when Keith half heartedly glared at her. 

“He was, but he saw a squirrel and pushed me into the water,” Keith pouted, gesturing down at his body. “My bath day isn’t until later today.”

“Gross,” she laughed, wrinkling her nose. “Where is Cosmo, anyways? And why didn’t you get Shiro to help you?”

“I didn’t think giving Cosmo a bath was going to be this bad,” Keith grumbled. “Guess I was wrong again.”

“Aw,” she grinned, “don’t look so upset. Want me to help?”

A strange look crossed his face before he raises a brow. “You’d do that? For me?”

“Keith, this isn’t a marriage proposal,” she said with a role of her eyes. “This is literally just me helping you bathe your dog.”

“I mean...sure,” he shrugged, “if you can handle him. He _is_ half your size.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Cosmo! Come here, boy! I have a treat for you!”

Cosmo immediately bounded into the backyard, his tail wagging wildly behind him as he looked up at Pidge. The girl stifled a laugh when she caught Keith staring at her in amazement, a small feeling of heat creeping up her neck. 

“Okay, let me give you a bath if you want a treat.”

Cosmo howls, and Keith winced like it personally hurt him. 

Pidge rolled her eyes. “Nope, don’t come at me with that, you glorified poodle. It’s peanut butter cookies!”

Cosmo whined before begrudgingly hopping into the small baby pool Keith had set up in the yard, his ears flattening against his head. 

“How did you do that?” Keith asked, completely shocked. 

“I’ve been giving my own dogs baths since I was five,” she smirked, reaching out to take the hose from Keith’s hands. “It’s basic dog bathing etiquette, man. Have you never given him a bath?”

“Without Shiro? No.”

Pidge laughed at that, setting the hose level low before running it across Cosmo’s back, the dog shuddering under the water pressure. 

“What motivated you to do it without him, then?”

“Can’t a guy just bathe his own dog for once? He deserves better than Shiro.”

“Mhm. You didn’t even know how to get him in the pool,” she deadpans ,” she deadpanned. 

“That...that has nothing to do with this!”

“Sure,” Pidge grinned, running a hand through Cosmo’s damp hair. “Hey, help out here, will you?”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“The soap, Keith. The _soap _.”__

Keith smiled sheepishly and handed her the soap, sitting back and admiring her silently. He laughed when Cosmo shook off the excess water, soaking her clothes. She screeched and jumped back, the dog taking it as an invitation to jump out of the pool to run towards Keith.

Keith let out a startled yelp, and before he knew it, Cosmo has dunked him in the small pool, Keith’s entire upper body wet. Pidge looked at him with wide eyes, Keith doing the same as he finally looked up, before finally breaking out in a fit of giggles.

Keith stared at her with wide eyes, unable to comprehend why she was laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“You look like a wet dog!” she replied, doubling over in laughter while clutching her stomach.

Keith looked up at his bangs, which were falling over his face in an unpleasant manner. He laughed, though, when he realized that she was right. He did look like a wet dog with his hair all saggy. So he joined her laughter, the two unable to control their joy.

Through the midst of it all, she cast him a blinding smile, and his breath hitched in his throat. His cheeks flushed red, and his heart started beating faster, her smile and amber eyes ever so bright in the sunny July morning.

All he could think was _oh no_.

(He screams about it later when she leaves. The neighbors file a complaint with Shiro that night.)

* * *

Keith was special, Pidge decided, when he decided out of the blue to pull out of plans.

“Are you serious, man?” Lance pouted. “We’ve been planning this theater trip for what, two weeks? You can’t just pull out like that!”

Pidge frowned. “Keith, you know how much I hate to agree with Lance, but he’s right. You can’t just agree to the plans and then not go. You even paid money for your seat!”

“I can’t go,” Keith stressed, crossing his arms across his chest. “I have to go somewhere with my mom.”

“Aw, come on,” Hunk urged, “leave the shopping to your mom. You’ve been dying to see Phantom of the Opera since it opened up at the theater a couple of months ago!”

“Yeah, but I can’t go,” Keith grunted. “Ask someone else to go or something. Take Romelle.”

“Romelle already has a ticket,” Pidge reminded him with a frown. “Come on, Keith. You can’t just leave us like that!”

“What point of ‘I can’t go’ do you guys not understand? Of course I want to go, but I _can’_ t.”

“That’s a bunch of baloney,” Lance said dismissively. “You’re going, and that’s that.”

“I am not going!” Keith snapped, his voice suddenly louder than it was before. “I have something to do that’s more important than some fucking theater show, okay? I said no, and no is now. What don’t you get about that?!”

The three figures in front of him stared at him in stunned silence, no one able to speak. Pidge was the first one to regain her senses, her mouth pulling backwards into a snarl and her brows furrowing angrily.

“You know, we wouldn’t judge you if you just tell us why you can’t go. Stop acting all high and mighty, Keith! We just want to go as a group of friends, and you’re acting like we’re killing you or something. We just want to know why you can’t go!”

“Listen,” he inhaled sharply, “Sorry for yelling, but I can’t tell you. This is something for me to deal with, not you.”

“Bullshit,” she snapped. “What’s your deal, Keith? Do you not trust us?”

“Do you trust me?” he asked, looking at her with stormy purple eyes.

Pidge only snapped her mouth shut, looking to the side. “I do, but you clearly don’t trust us.”

She spun on her heel and walked away, leaving the three boys alone to call out after her. She ignored the issue until late that night, when she was met with his face standing in her front door, shining with sweat as if he had just run a marathon.

She opened the door, her anger dissipating and replaced by worry. “Jesus, Keith, you look like you’re about to pass out. Did you run all the way here?”

“I had...to see you…” he panted, grabbing onto her arms. “I trust...I trust you...but I just...it’s complicated,” he finished, still struggling to catch his breath.

Pidge didn’t care what her parents or brother would think when she pulls him in for a hug, his breathing still ragged and his chest rising up and down. He slowly wrapped his arms around her, letting his head fall on her shoulder.

“Shh. It’s okay,” she said quietly, her eyes closing, “it’s okay.”

(She knew deep down inside that it wasn’t okay.)

* * *

It was unintentional, him falling for her. Though–looking back at it–totally predictable.

He remembered it clear as day, the first moment he realized that he was starting to fall for her. They had been working on their project at his place, the boy offering to help Hunk make dinner when it got late and nobody felt like driving out or ordering out. Someone eventually placed an order, and the group, too tired to even move, passed out after the meal was over and the plans for when they would actually start assembling the damn lions was finally put together.

Everyone except _her_ , of course.

“Pidge? You up?”

“Hm?”

“I want to show you something.”

“What is it?”

“Come,” he urged, and she, unable to say no, followed him out of the basement upstairs into a small room. 

He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she looked around at the shelves in silent awe, eyes skimming over the titles of the music books adorning the book shelves. Rows and rows of sheet music filled her sight, something Keith strangely took pride in for some ominous reason.

Keith dusted off the lid of the grand piano sitting in the middle of the room, taking a seat on the stool. Carefully pulling the sheet music book open, he flattened out the corners and laid it on top where he could read the notes.

“Ready?”

“Yes.”

He smiled warmly at her before gently pressing down on the keys, going up the scale before going slightly down, then beginning the actual song. The melody that filled the air was heartbreaking, yet beautiful at the same time. The notes pouring out of the old piano conveyed such a strong emotion, of what she didn’t know, but the feelings were strong.

She gasped when the notes suddenly changed from a lower key to a higher key, her heart suddenly filled with so much warmth. The notes pouring out of him spelled out a story of heartbreak and love, and all she wanted to do was cry. The raw emotion coming out of him was something so new, and she could see him visually try to compose himself while continuing to play. It was _breathtaking_.

He finished with a soft smile adorning his face, pressing his fingers down gently to lay the ending note. With a quick turn of his head, he could see her amber eyes sparkling, as if she had just discovered that something had peanut butter in it.

In that moment, he truly felt like he could see galaxies in her eyes.

“I wanted to play that for someone for the longest time,” he confessed quietly, letting out a small chuckle. “I guess that someone was you.”

She could only stare at him, her cheeks flushed and her amber eyes focused on his hands, which were trembling on the keys where they rested. He looked back up at her, purple eyes cloudy with doubts and fears and pain.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly, mouth forming a small frown.

His sad smile made her heart drop, something inside of her dying when he shook his head.

“I’m fine.”

She pouted, and Keith almost laughed. She cared more about him than he actually cared about his own damn self.

“The song is called Love’s Sorrow,” Keith said, breaking the quiet silence. “It’s my mother’s favorite piece.”

She frowned and sat down beside him, lifting her hands curiously. She gently pressed down on a key, grimacing when it makes a soft noise.

“Teach me,” she said, turning to face him.

Keith raised his brows. “Sure,” he said, and moved her hands into the right position. “Press down here, and then this one.”

“Like this?” she asked quietly, pressing down then shifting to her next finger.

“Yes.” 

He continued teaching her for what seemed like an eternity until she could finally play the introduction to the song, the girl sitting back and smiling widely at him. They sat there in that position for a while until Keith reaches out and cups her face, the girl jumping slightly under his touch.

“Keith?”

“I really like you,” was his reply, his lips brushing the tip of her nose.

She shuddered, looking up at him with half lidded eyes. 

“And what are you going to do about it?”

His response was a kiss to the lips, gentle and sweet. She wrapped her arms around his neck, relaxing into the kiss, both their eyes closed as they relished under the moonlight pouring in from the window. All Keith could do is pray that he didn’t cry right there and then when the reality of his actions weighed down on him, of how he was in love and about to leave her soon.

(He wishes time would stop right there and then.)

* * *

When Pidge woke up after they went back down to the living room where everyone was, she was leaning against a warm body, his breath even, and his fingers combing through her hair, mouth mumbling sweet things into her ear.

“Keith?” she mumbled quietly, wrapping an arm around his torso.

“Go to sleep,” he replied, voice soft. “I’ll be here in the morning.”

“I have to pee,” she mumbled, and made a move to stand up, only to be stopped by Keith’s hand.

“Stay,” he said quietly yet urgently, Pidge looking at him worriedly.

“But I–”

“Please, just stay,” he whispered, his hands cold and his body shaking. 

She looked at him in confusion before moving his bangs, her heart breaking when she saw tears in his eyes. 

Against her will, she simply nodded and fell back into his embrace, Keith wrapping his arms around her tightly.

“Thank you,” he said hoarsely, and all she could do was nod. 

“I know.”

“I’m so glad...it was with you,” he murmured quietly, tears still in his eyes and his body still quivering as he pressed a peck to her head, “so, so thankful…”

She began to fall asleep once again, but before she could drift off completely, she heard two words that broke her heart and made her want to cry.

“ _I’m sorry_.”

(He wept that night, but she didn’t have the courage to ask him why.)

* * *

It was nearly the end of August when Allura proposed the idea of going on a ski trip.

_“Why would we want to go skiing?” Pidge had asked, holding the pieces of her lion in her hand. “We already have enough work trying to piece these things together.”_

_“It’ll be fun!” Allura said, clasping her hands together. “Come on, Pidge! Have some more excitement in your life!”_

_“I have all the excitement I need right here,” she said, gesturing down to her lion pieces._

_Keith let out a snort. “You need more than that.”_

_“You’re not seriously–”_

_“What? I want to go skiing at least once in my life,” he huffed, ignoring how Allura’s smile slipped. “This is the perfect time. We have enough time to finish the lions later.”_

_“...are you sure?”_

_“Would I ever lie to you?”_

_“No...ugh. Fine,” she said, and Lance and Hunk—who had been eavesdropping on the entire conversation—cheered from their place in the kitchen._

She found herself standing on top of a mountain, waiting for the ski lift with Keith who–after begging Shiro to let him ski down the mountain at least _once_ –was shifting on his feet, eager to go up the mountain.

“You better not fall off,” she threatened when he nearly stumbled getting onto the lift, Keith laughing and throwing a bit of snow at her face.

“Don’t worry,” he grinned, “I won’t fall off. It’s you I’m worried about.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“You’re so tiny that you’ll slide out from right under the bar,” Keith laughed as soon as they’re seated and rising up in the air.

“Ha ha, very funny,” she said with an amused roll of her eyes before looking up at him, raising a hand up to touch his face.

“Jesus, Keith, you look so fucking pale. Are you okay?”

“We’re on a mountain,” he deadpanned, pulling her hand down, “and sit still. You’re going to drop the skis.”

“Okay, but you’re literally glowing,” she replied, narrowing her eyes. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Like I said, we’re on a mountain. I’ll return to normal color when we get to the ski lodge which, by the way, I convinced your brother and mine to let us share a room.”

Pidge flushed red. “What are you planning, Keith?”

“Cuddling? Kissing? I don’t know,” he shrugged, “but it won’t be too much. I just want to spend enough time with you before uh...school clogs it up.”

“Psh,” Pidge snorted, “we have an eternity for that, Keith.”

Keith’s smile turned somber, his eyes going soft. “Yeah. We do.”

(They nearly crash into some poor children skiing, but seeing Keith laugh for the first time since they came on the trip is worth it for Pidge.)

* * *

Keith wasn’t the best at hiding things. 

He knew that much when he tried to push the piece of paper he was currently writing on under a pillow when she walks into their shared room, only to have her narrow her eyes playfully. 

“Keith. What are you hiding?”

“Apart from my desire to cuddle? Nothing much.”

She rolled her eyes, walking over towards him, her hair still wet from her shower. (Allura had insisted that she shower in her shared room with Shiro, kicking out her poor boyfriend in the process.)

She hopped onto the bed next to him, snatching the piece of paper out from under the pillow. Reading the title, she raised a brow in confusion. 

“A bucket list? Really? For what?”

“I don’t know,” Keith mumbled. “Maybe I just wanted to be organized with my future plans.”

“Keith, you’re going to be like, seventeen in October,” Pidge replied with a roll of her eyes. “You don’t need a bucket list now. Save that for when you’re eighty or something.”

Keith pouted. “You’re judging me and you haven’t even read what’s on it! Read it and it’ll make sense.”

Pidge eyed him warily before pulling the sheet of closer to her eyes, reading over the items. 

“Bucket List for before I turn legal age.” She stifled a laugh, smiling fondly as she read aloud the other things on the list. “Write my own music piece, finish building the red lion, jump in a ball pit, go skiing, best Shiro in a street race, beat Lance at UNO.”

“I’m going to Tokyo drift one day,” Keith declared, “no matter what Shiro says. He and I are going to street race like maniacs.”

“Shiro doesn’t street race.”

“Allura taught him,” Keith grinned. “It’ll be a couple’s thing!”

“Hm,” she chuckled, “maybe. Anything else?”

“Well, I was going to put down that I want to take you on an official date before I die.”

“Psh. I think we’ll be able to do that,” she laughed, reaching a hand out to swat his hair. “After all, we have an eternity to just be us.”

“You’re not opposed to going on a date with me?”

“I kissed you,” she said flatly, “and I like you. A lot. So no.”

“Huh,” Keith grinned. “Well, okay then. Say, why don’t you eat something? Shiro dropped off a pizza a while ago after Allura kicked him out.”

“You’re not going to eat?” She asked, raising a brow. 

“Nah,” he replied gently, “I’m not really hungry. You eat. I’ll see if I have an appetite later on.”

She frowned. “Are you sure?”

Purple eyes met amber, soft and gentle, full of love and warmth. 

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

(It’s a lie that she’s heard so many times before.)

* * *

She worried about Keith more than she’d like to admit. 

She worried about how we always flinches, how he always seemed to run out of breath easily, how he always left them on random occasions. She worried about how pale he seems to look later that night when he gets up to use the bathroom, his entire body shaking. 

“Keith?” she called out quietly, “are you okay?”

He only nodded, flashing her a shaky smile as he lifted his head up. She was shocked to see his face full of sweat, cheeks flushed and eyes hazy. 

“I’m fine,” he managed to say, holding himself up with his arms as he gripped tightly onto the bathroom door handle. 

“You’re not fine. Should I get Shiro?”

“No!” Keith barked body shaking more, “no, don’t call him. He doesn’t need to come for something so...so…” he shuddered, grip on the door handle slipping. 

“Keith?” Pidge asked, worry washing over her as she watched him go silent. 

Worry turned into absolute dread as he collapsed on the floor, eyes closing and body still quivering slightly with heat. She rushed over towards him, yelling his name loudly as she checked his head. 

“Keith?! Keith!”

She didn’t register when Shiro came in and called an ambulance, Lance and Hunk rushing in and panicking with her as the paramedics lifted Keith’s burning body onto the stretcher. Allura’s hands on her shoulder, Matt’s warm embrace. She doesn’t realize that she’s still screaming for him until her throat hurts so much and Lance pulls her into a gentle hug. 

(She swears that something inside her died that night.)

* * *

He used to be happy, Keith thought to himself, as he came to and found everyone sprawled around in his hospital room, Shiro the only one awake. 

He raised his head, looking at the older man, who looked like he hadn’t slept in years. Krolia is slumped in a chair beside his bed, holding tightly onto his left hand. Pidge is on the other, her head on his arm and her hand gripping tightly onto his right hand. 

He smiled at that before glancing around the room at his other friends, who were piled on top of each other in the other seats. Hunk sat in between Lance and Matt, who were leaning on him and snoring away. 

“You collapsed.”

Keith’s gaze flickered over to Shiro, who was staring at him with an unreadable expression. 

“I…”

“You collapsed,” Shiro repeated, eyes hardening. “You collapsed in front of her.”

Keith felt his body tense as he looks back down at Pidge, who was still holding his hand tightly. 

“I know.”

“I told you they were going to find out. What do you think they’re going to say?”

“I don’t know, Shiro.”

“I–“

A knock was heard at the door, startling everyone out of their sleep. Pidge and Krolia jumped, looking at Keith before looking at the doctor standing in the doorway. 

He walked in and shut the door behind him, staring gravely at Keith. The boy shrunk under his gaze, Pidge’s gaze flickering back up briefly at him, before turning her attention back to the doctor. 

“Mr. Kogane. We meet again.”

Lance furrowed his brows, looking at the Keith in confusion. “Again? You’ve met him before?”

The doctor brushed him off, instead pulling out his clipboard and flipping through the papers. 

“Your leukemia is advancing at an alarming rate without treatment,” he said instead, everyone in the room minus Allura and Shiro gasping in surprise. “Your refusal to accept treatment is making you deteriorate at a rapid pace.”

He continued to speak, but Keith paid no attention to him as he felt Pidge pull away from him, her face almost as pale as his. Her eyes were wide in horror, and all he could do is sit back and watch as his friends and family received the news he already knew. 

Lance looked like he’s about ready to burst into fresh tears, Hunk only holding onto him tightly while holding back his own tears. Matt was looking at the doctor in horror, mirroring Pidge’s expression. Shiro and Allura each had their heads bowed, refusing to meet his eyes. His mother wa at his side, clenching onto his hand tightly, and Keith could feel her urge to burst out into tears.

When the doctor left, no one could say anything. All they did was stare at him, the silence deafening. He closed his eyes, desperately hoping that this was all a nightmare, that he would wake up and he’d be home in his own bed, waiting to go back to school.

(Everyone else wished it was a nightmare too.)

* * *

Pidge felt like someone had just stabbed her in the chest.

“Leukemia,” the doctor said, as if it were normal.

It all came crashing down on her as she heard him listing what was going on, Keith shrinking under his intense gaze while he heard the lecture. Everything that she had pointed out was suddenly repeated to her, and for once she wished that she was wrong. 

The excessive sweating, the bruises, the unwillingness to eat, sudden weight loss. The paleness of his skin, the excessive fatigue and urge to sleep. The random disappearances during seemingly normal days. The signs were all there, and she–along with everyone else– had ignored it like an _idiot_.

“He’s lucky,” the doctor said. “People who go this long without aggressive treatment are usually bedridden by now and in their terminal stages. He’s _lucky_.”

The ‘however’ hung in the air, the others in the room understanding what it meant. 

No matter how lucky Keith was, his luck was running out. His _time_ was running out.

There would be no more Keith by the time next year came around. There would be no more group outings, no more running, no more laughing, no more fun. He would lose his youth and his smile, his strength and his ability to walk and even talk. He’d lose everything, but most importantly, she would lose _him._

Rage was the first thing that she felt once the doctor was gone.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell us?!” she seethed, abruptly letting go of his hand in order to stand up and glare down at him.

He flinched under her gaze, bowing his head in shame. “I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Bullshit,” she hissed, clenching her trembling fists. “I call bullshit! It’s our job to worry! We’re you’re family, for crying out loud! Doesn’t that mean _anything_ to you?!”

“It does, but I…”

“How long?” she asked, closing her eyes painfully. “How long have you known?!”

“A couple of months,” Keith admitted quietly.

“A couple of months?” they all screeched, staring at his in disbelief.

“When the second semester started, I started feeling really tired,” Keith explained quietly. “I didn’t say anything because I was hoping that it was nothing. But then I felt worse, and it didn’t really start to pick up until June or so.”

 _When we met_ , Pidge thought to herself bitterly, her heart throbbing with pain. 

“So all that disappearing...the sweating and bruises?” Lance asked, his eyes full of pain, “those were all symptoms?”

Keith shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. “Yes,” he admits quietly.

“Why didn’t you think of getting treatment?” Hunk inquired next, pain laced in his tone. “They have treatment…”

“I didn’t want treatment anymore,” Keith replied, eyes downcast. “I just….don’t want to feel anymore pain. I’ve gone through enough pain. I don’t need more.”

“So your solution is just what, to accept death without even trying to live?” Pidge shouted, eyes welling with tears, “to leave us all alone to suffer when you dropped dead out of nowhere? Is that what you wanted?”

“I didn’t want to upset you guys.”

“Well you did a ridiculously shitty job at that,” she laughed coldly, scoffing and looking at his deep purple eyes, ones that looked almost as broken as she felt inside. 

“No, Pidge, wait–” Keith tried, reaching a hand towards her. “Please.”

She only shook her head, turning on her heal before bolting out of the room, her mind racing with thoughts.

Keith was sick.

Keith was sick and he wasn’t going to get better.

Keith was sick and wouldn’t last long enough to even see his eighteenth birthday.

It was only when she reached Matt’s car and had locked herself inside that she let her tears fall freely, heart wrenching sobs and screams pouring out of her very soul and heart. She only stopped when she heard pounding on the car window.

Looking up, she saw Lance staring worriedly at her, waiting to be let in. So she let him in, only for him to sit in the driver’s seat while she switched over to the passenger side. She tried to stop crying, furiously rubbing her eyes.

“What do you want?”

“For you to go back and talk to Keith.”

“No,” she said, looking out the car window, “I can’t.”

“I know,” Lance said ruefully, “but you have to. He needs you.”

“He doesn’t need me,” she scoffed, glaring at her knees. “If he needed me, he would’ve told me.”

“What is wrong with you?” Lance glared, whipping his head around to face her. “He _does_ need you. He practically adores you, and you giving him the cold shoulder is a crappy move. So what? The minute he gets sick, you jet? What in the world is wrong with you?!”

“I _can’t_ ,” she repeated once again, her voice cracking. “I want to, but I can’t. I don’t want to leave him, but what am I supposed to do? Sit back and watch him die in front of my eyes? I don’t know what the hell I can do to help him!”

She shook with tears as she wrapped her arms around herself, burrowing her heads between her knees. “What am I supposed to do?”

Lance stared at her in pain, his heart clenching. 

“Listen, Pidge,” he said softly, “this is just my opinion, but I think that you should just go see Keith, no matter how much it hurts...because if it was me who he needed right now, I would do anything. I’d drink toilet water if he asked me to.”

He sighed, closing his eyes. “But I’m pretty sure that I’m not the person he needs right now. He always goes to you when he needs help.”

“But what do I say? What do I do?” she whispered. 

“Anything. You’ll know what to say when the moment is right,” he reassured her, leaning over to pat her back.

She only cried even more, her body shaking with sobs while Lance rubbed her back soothingly.

(She doesn’t know it, but Keith weeps with her too.)

* * *

“Hey.”

Pidge looked up from her shoes up at Keith, who was looking at her sadly. The lights in his hospital room were off, the moon being the only thing illuminating the two lone figures in it. Keith’s skin practically glowed in the moonlight. His cheeks were pale, his purple eyes trained on her, his hands placed neatly on his lap. 

“I kind of figured that you’d never come back,” he said quietly.

“I promised you sweets the other day. Remember?” she replied, lifting a bag filled with different cookies.

Keith snorted gently. “No you didn’t. I haven’t asked you for anything.”

“I guess I just...wanted it as an excuse to come see you again.”

She lowered her gaze, refusing to meet his eyes. Then, she heard him sigh softly, shuffling a bit in his bed. 

“I was first diagnosed with leukemia when I was four,” he said quietly. “I got chemo, and it worked. I stayed healthy until I was eight. Then it came back, and it never completely went away. They said...they said that if it came back again, that it was hopeless trying to fight it again. My entire life would just be spent on a breathing machine and drugs.”

He laughed bitterly, smiling sadly at her. “Honestly? I’m in pretty bad shape here. I don’t think that I’m...that I’m going to make it. That’s why I never told you.”

“Why?” she whispered, still not looking up at him, “Why would you never tell me? I asked you if you were okay, and you never said a word.”

“Because I thought that if I left without warning, it would hurt less,” he replied, still looking at her. “Especially for you.”

She snapped her head up at that, eyes misty. “It’s my job to worry about you, Keith. I’m the one who’s dating you, for crying out loud. Did you really think that leaving me like that was easier than letting me know what was wrong?”

“I know, but I don’t want you to worry. I _shouldn’t_ make you worry so much. It’s not very nice of me, I know.”

“Damn you,” she mumbled quietly, making her way towards him, “damn you for being so stubborn. I want to worry about you.”

Keith opened his arms, Pidge wrapping herself around his upper torso. They held each other in a warm embrace, Pidge letting her tears falls freely while Keith held back his own, for her sake.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled into the soft fabric of his hospital shirt, closing her eyes, only to be shushed by Keith.

“You,” he choked out, “have nothing to be sorry about. You are going to go back home and work on our project, and when the time comes to present it, I’ll be there, watching you from the sidelines and cheering you on like a madman.”

“B–but…”

“Shh,” he said again, running his fingers through her hair, “you worry so much about me. You don’t have to. Let me worry about you instead.”

(She still worries, even after he’s sent home.)

* * *

School parties were a bitch, Pidge decided, when she was dragged to Nyma’s annual ‘welcome back to school’ party.

The kitchen was littered with red cups, some people smoking out in the back and on the front porch. Some people disappeared from the main rooms and slipped into closets or empty rooms, places where they wouldn’t be heard or found. Others were singing along in the living room to some Ariana Grande song, which Nyma seemed to love to put on loop. Pidge, on the other hand, just wished that they would put another song on.

 _Imagine_ was just too much for her pathetic almost drunk self who was wallowing over Keith.

“Are you okay?”

Purple eyes looked down at her in concern, sparkling in the flashing lights behind him. They were dimmer than usual, though, she realized when he leaned down to part her bangs, his face millimeters away from her. Their usual sparkling purple shine was slightly dimmed into a more muted color.

 _Fuck leukemia_ , she said internally to herself.

“It’s like you always say,” she said dismissively, pushing his face away, “I’m fine.”

Pain flashed briefly in his eyes before he frowned sadly down at her, his hand holding his drink shaking.

“I think you’ve had too much to drink. Come on. Let’s go home.”

“But you are my home,” she mumbled, looking down at her hands. “Don’t you realize that?”

“...Pidge, come on. We need to get you home before your parents get home. Do you really want to be caught drunk with them in the house?”

“I dunno,” she shrugged, “do you really wanna be caught lying about not being sick?”

Keith pursed his lips, setting his drink to the side. He knelt down in front of her, looking up at her bowed head with a small, sad smile.

“Come on. We’re going home.”

_‘Love how my face fits so good in your neck, why can’t you imagine a world like that?’_

Pidge made no noise of disapproval when Keith picked her up, setting her on his back before walking out of the house. He bid Nyma a goodnight, who only looked curiously at him before nodding and opening the door for him. 

Nobody said a word when he pulled out the keys to his motorcycle, sitting down and handing Pidge a spare helmet. He placed it on her head when she refused to do so, doing the same for himself before starting up and driving through the street, leaving the party behind.

“You’re going to kill us,” Pidge mumbled into the fabric of his jacket, her eyes half closed. “Driving around sick with shaky hands and legs. You’re so stupid.”

“It’s fine,” Keith said dismissively, “only a few blocks away. You’ll be home in less than ten.”

“Stop _saying_ that,” she hissed, gripping his jacket tighter. “Everything is not ‘fine’. You’re going to fucking die, and you’re going to leave me alone. God, you’re so fucking stupid, Keith.”

She felt her eyes well with tears, her grip getting even more tighter on his jacket. “What am I supposed to do when you’re gone? You’re my only home. I love you, you idiot. Are you really gonna leave me just like that?”

She sniffled, leaning even more into his back. “You’re so fucking stupid, Keith. I _love_ you.”

Keith didn’t say anything, but he heard every word.

(It doesn’t leave either of their minds for a long time.)

* * *

Keith forgot that his Bucket List existed after the ski lodge incident.

Pidge, on the other hand, did _not_ forget.

“How about we finish this?” she asked, holding the piece of paper between her fingers.

It took Keith a few moments to fully recognize what it was, the boy squinting his eyes to read what it was before tilting his head to the side, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“My Bucket List? Why? It’s just a stupid little list–”

“Come on,” Pidge urged, smiling slightly, “would you really pass up a chance to street race against Shiro?”

That’s how he found himself driving at 120 mph on the side of the highway, Shiro trailing behind him, the rest of the group back at the finish line. Despite being hesitant at first, Shiro had led them to a spot where there were usually no cops around, the perfect place for illegal street racing.

_“I’m not even eighteen. What are they going to do, kill me? I’m already dying.”_

_“Please never speak again and get in the car.”_

The cars were regular, not made for racing, but Keith felt like he was on top of the world as he raced down the side of the highway, hooting and laughing as he left Shiro behind him. He could practically feel Shiro cursing, the two racing against each other on an early Saturday morning in October, just a few days before Halloween. 

It was no one’s surprise when Keith won (Keith secretly thinks that Shiro let him win), everyone showering him in congratulations before high tailing out of the street, Lance, Matt and Pidge in the same car as him. Hunk and Allura rode with Shiro, who had to pretend like he wasn’t just breaking the law.

Krolia beamed with pride when Keith told her the good news, Shiro protesting the win.

“I’m old, Keith.”

“I’m sick, Takashi, and I won. Beat that.”

Shiro, of course, said nothing in return, but the smile that graced his face when Pidge gave Keith a victory kiss shows it all. Even if he didn’t agree with Keith’s choice of not seeking treatment, he still loved his brother with all his heart. Even if that meant street racing down highways at insane speeds.

(They end up finishing everything on the Bucket List, except for ‘go on a date with Pidge.’ Pidge doesn’t know if they’ll ever be able to finish it.)

* * *

Pidge tried not to worry, but it was easier said than done.

She worried every time Keith chose to use the elevator instead of the stairs to get to his next class. She worried when he started leaving school earlier to go to even more doctor appointments. She worried when he stopped working on the Red Lion, focusing more on trying to stay healthy and not catch a life threatening cold (which was next to impossible for the cold Altea temperatures of November.) 

She especially worried when his once vibrant purple eyes that were bright enough to hold galaxies in them turned into muted grey.

The only thing that kept her going was his ever so vibrant smile.

It was the only thing that still made her happy, distracting her from her thoughts that were eating her alive. It wa the only thing that still seemed to be alive in him. It saved her from worrying so much, but not enough to completely erase it. She worried so much about him.

The school board did too.

“I think I might drop out of classes,” Keith said aloud to the room full of his friends, who were tinkering with the pieces of their robot.

Pidge nearly dropped the small screwdriver she was holding, her attention ripping from her lion to his muted grey eyes. 

“What?”

“The school says that I’m already missing most of my classes, and that I need to focus more on my health than schoolwork,” Keith said, picking at the edges of his shirt. “My doctor says that at the rate I’m going, I shouldn’t expect to be back in classes after Thanksgiving break. They need to keep me there to avoid getting sick from these idiots who don’t think of covering their mouths when they cough.”

A ghost of a smile appeared on Shiro’s lips, and Keith shot him a small frown. .

“You don’t have to drop out,” Lance replied with pursed lips. “I’m in most of your classes. I could bring you the work you’re missing so you can stay caught up.”

“My knight in shining armor,” Keith laughed with a roll of his eyes. “What about the other classes I don’t have with you?”

“I have US Government with you,” Hunk said, smiling at him. “I can bring you the notes from there.”

“Ah yes. My favorite class,” Keith replied with a roll of his eyes. “There’s still bio, though.”

“I share that class with you,” Pidge spoke up, frowning. “But I don’t know. Are you sure that the stress of school and trying to stay healthy at the same time is a good idea? You need to focus on not getting sick.”

“Don’t worry,” he smiled, taking her hand and squeezing it gently, “I’ll be fine.”

She only looked up at him with concerned eyes before sighing and nodding, Keith smiling down at her. _I’ll try to listen to him_ , she told herself. _Maybe I shouldn’t worry_.

(She still worries.)

* * *

“You know, I always wanted to be an astronaut,” Keith said aloud, wrapping his arms around her small frame and resting his chin in her head. 

Pidge shuddered under his touch, glancing up at him. “Really? I always took you as the type of guy to be a wrestler or maybe a writer.”

Keith snorted. “That’s so different. You, however? I always think of you as someone who makes robots or builds computers for a living. But I also see you as a pilot,” he said, closing his eyes. 

Pidge raised a brow. “Really? Why?”

“Because you have such a passion for a lot of things,” he replied, smiling fondly. “Like building your lion, for example. You love building complex stuff, and you like adventure. You’d make a great pilot. Always yelling at people to pay attention. They’d fear you.”

“Huh,” she smirked, “You have a point. I _did_ want to be an astronaut when I was seven. Matt always wanted to be a pilot. I guess it worked out for him, because he starts at Garrison next year.”

“That’s cool,” Keith said, tracing a finger over her cheek. “Hey, Pidge?”

“Hm?”

“I wish you were always this relaxed,” he mumbled, eyes still closed. “You’re always so stressed and worried. It’s not good.”

“But I’m your girlfriend,” she argued, frowning. “It’s my job to worry about you.”

“No it’s not,” he smiled softly. “It’s my job to worry about myself, and it’s yours to worry about other things. Trust me, Pidge. Things will work themselves out.”

“Not if you’re going to die,” she mumbled, looking down. “Idiot. I want to worry. It means that I care.”

“You can care without worrying,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Worry about school and your future, not me.”

“This is going to sound cheesy, but you are my future,” she replied, blushing. “I really want you in it, Keith.”

Keith hummed quietly, a small smirk spreading across his features. 

“Aw. You care.”

“Of course I do, you idiot. You’re like, my first boyfriend.”

“I’ll try to be the only boyfriend,” he replied, moving his head to press a kiss to her cheek, “but only if your promise to stop worrying so much. You worry enough. Let me worry about you.”

She sighed in defeat, turning around to lean her head into the crook of his neck, wrapping her arms around his torso. She felt him chuckle, his own arms wrapping around her upper torso, trembling slightly. 

“Fine.”

(And for once, she allows herself to stop worrying. Just for a bit.)

* * *

Thanksgiving, usually one of her least favorite holidays, turned out to be the best with Keith around. 

He sat under the lights of the Christmas tree that the Holt’s had put up early, playing with BaeBae, who began to look suspiciously fuller in the stomach after Keith sat down with him. 

Pidge sat down with him as well, resting her head on his shoulder. Lance’s nephew and niece played in front of them, running up and down the stairs like maniacs with Lance chasing them. Hunk sat in the kitchen, talking with the parents—the moms, particular— about his famous holiday cookies. 

Shiro sat on one couch with Allura, the older McClain siblings sitting on the other couch, watching some ridiculous romcom. Veronica was the only one already passed out on a single couch, drooling on it ungracefully. 

“Thanksgiving was never my favorite holiday,” Pidge commented quietly, closing her eyes. “Not until you showed up.”

Keith chuckled lightly, resting his head on her own. 

“Really? I’m flattered.”

She frowned, her eyes flying open as she looked up at him, noticing that he was a lot more sweaty than he looked from afar. 

“You’re sweating a lot, Keith.”

“Yeah? I may also have a slight fever,” she laughed, closing his eyes. “BaeBae keeps licking my face. I think he thinks that I should go home or something.”

“He’s worried,” she chastised, “and so am I. Why didn’t you say anything? You know how dangerous it is to be sick in your condition. You’re already sick; don’t make it worse.”

“Listen,” Keith said, shaking his head, “I’ll be–”

“Fine? That’s what you said at the ski lodge before collapsing and making us take you to the hospital,” she glared. “Your doctor said that if you showed signs of being sick, we had to bring you in. I’m telling Shiro.”

“But Pidge, it’s Thanksgiving. I’m tired. I don’t want to go back to that place,” he mumbled. “Not now, at least. Maybe in December.”

“If you don’t get treated for your stupid cold now, you won’t even make it to December,” she hissed, narrowing her eyes. 

“I’ll take some meds, and if they don’t work, you have permission to tell Shiro later. Deal?”

“There’s no way–”

“Please?” He urged, frowning. “I don’t want to ruin the moment for anyone.”

She pouted, looking away from him. God, she was so weak for him. One word and she caved so easily. 

“...fine. But if you collapse again and scare the kids, I’m going to kill you.”

“No you won’t.”

“Fuck you.”

The night progressed uneventfully, Pidge watching Keith carefully out of the corner of her eyes. To her alarm, he only got worse throughout the rest of the night, his smile turning into a strained one, face flushed red. 

When he hugged her goodbye, she felt his entire weight press onto her as he leaned his head into her neck. 

“I think I’m sick, Pidge.”

“You idiot,” she replied, already holding onto him tightly, “even I could’ve told you that.”

Then she cried out for help, Keith going unconscious in her arms. Shiro helped her load him into the car, driving with Allura in the passenger seat. Pidge left her parents looking after her, worried out of their minds for her and him. 

(It’s the umpteenth time that it’s happened, and she’s not exactly proud of it.)

* * *

Keith decided that hospitals were officially his least favorite place in the world. 

The linoleum floors, the squeaky cleaness, the smell of chemicals everywhere he turned. The limited visiting hours, the tears and pain that occurred daily. He hated it. 

He didn't know what he hated more, hospitals or seeing Pidge upset, worried out of her mind for him. 

The doctors said that bringing him in at the time they did was good. If he had gone the rest of the night or day without getting actual treatment from the hospital, he would’ve most likely fallen extremely ill and died by the end of the week. 

Pidge didn’t seem all too pleased with that, making it known by slapping his arm gently before climbing into the hospital bed with him and laying her head on his chest, wrapping herself around him protectively. 

It was a sight for the doctor, who looked like he was trying to keep his composure while watching her hold him in a koala grip. 

Keith wasn’t allowed home after Thanksgiving break, despite his insistence that he was fine.

It only served to make Pidge more worried, the girl spending all her free time at the hospital with him, filling him in on what was happening at school. Lance and Hunk also stop by, bringing him his work and staying with him until their mothers called them home. The only day they all didn’t show up was on finals week in December, but Keith could understand that. 

Everytime they walked in, though, Keith had to resist the urge to laugh. He handed back the homework and exchanged it for the new one, and had Lance, Hunk and Pidge administer so many class tests to him. Schoolwise? He was going fine. Medically speaking? He was not. 

It was getting harder to even walk up on flight of measly steps, the boy nearly collapsing after climbing up five stairs. His hair had started to lighten a bit, the dark black color fading out. His eyes lacked any liveliness, and his cheeks were sharp and nearly hollow. 

He looked like hell, if he was being brutally honest with himself.

He knew Pidge noticed it too. Everytime she came over, her eyes wandered up to his, and her lip did that adorable small quirk before she ran her hand through his thinning hair, leaning against his chest. 

“Eat more greens. They’re good for you.”

It was the same routine; wake up, schoolwork, bloodwork at twelve, visit at two, bloodwork at five, leaving at seven, eat at eight, sleep at nine. He was too tired to fight Krolia, who seemed to think that putting him to sleep at nine was a good idea.

All the coddling made him feel ready to burst into tears at any moment, though. He loved his friends and family so much that he thought his heart was going to burst. Their love and affection really did make him think twice about getting some form of actual aggressive treatment. 

However, he still wouldn’t bow to the idea of more chemo. (Even if it did mean that he was fighting harder to actually stay alive.)

He laughed when Lance FaceTimed him on a day that he had to stay home because he was sick, his familiar smirk filling up the screen. 

“You’re still fighting? I kinda figured you would’ve given up by now.”

“Who do I look like? You?”

Pidge had laughed at that, rolling her eyes in amusement. “Keith, be nice.”

“Yeah,” Hunk egged on from beside Lance, “be nice, Keith. But it is kinda weird that you haven’t given up yet. It’s not like I want you to, but...why?”

“Because I’m not letting some stupid virus take over my life like I’m helpless or something,” Keith huffed, relaxing in his hospital bed. “I’ll get better, you’ll see. Then Pidge and I will get married and make beautiful babies.”

“Oh my god, shut up!”

(For the first time since he was admitted into the hospital, he smiles.)

* * *

Pidge had nearly refused. 

When Keith had begged the doctors to go home for Christmas, her first instinct had been to deny him that right. Keith had begged, _pleaded_ , with the doctors, claiming that it wasn’t a bad idea. At first, they were unconvinced. Then all it took was Keith to say that it was one of his ‘last wishes’ to go back home, and he was all set to go. 

Pidge nearly cried when he said ‘last wishes’.

Keith was let out on the condition that he come back once the holiday season was over, everyone firmly agreeing, despite Keith whining that that wasn’t nearly enough time to do anything. He agreed in the end, though, just wanting to get out of the hospital. Pidge could practically see how much he wanted to leave the place, his frown disappearing once he was out of the damn place. 

He was confined to a wheelchair, and she nearly fainted when she realized just how easy it was to push him around. She was honestly afraid that it was too easy because he was turning into a sack of bones. 

BaeBae and Cosmo jumped him before he could even make it into the Holt residence, where Krolia and Shiro had agreed to letting him stay for a few days since it was closer to the hospital. (Totally not because Pidge had insisted that she wanted him to stay with her.)

Keith laughed when Cosmo began licking his face, BaeBae wagging his tail and nipping at Keith’s legs. The Holt family smiled at Pidge sympathetically, Matt motioning for her to go inside with Keith. 

Colleen, however, told her to wait and leaned in to hug Keith. Pidge could’ve swore she saw her whisper something into his ear, and the way he seemed to struggle to stay composed only solidified her hunch. 

(He doesn’t answer her and settles for a kiss instead when she asks him what her mother said.)

* * *

Pidge knew Keith. 

She knew his flaws, she knew his passions, she knew so much about him that it hurt. She knew how he adored playing piano, how he loved children, how he loved school despite complaining about it. She knew how much he loved outer space, how much he loved his lion even if he hadn’t finished it yet. She knew so much about him. 

She knew about his family history, of how his father had died and his mother had disappeared until three years ago when she had found him in the middle of a remission. She knew how he had light freckles littering his arms, and how you could connect them to form constellations. She knew how much Keith loved being home and away from the hospital. 

It was because of this that she knew what he was thinking. 

She knew that he may try to pass things off, but he was no fool. He knew the inevitable was coming, and despite trying to cover it up with plans for the future and small smiles, that day was coming too soon. 

She knew that he was running out of time, and no smile or laugh could hide that fact. The inevitable was coming, and she wasn’t ready to face that reality just yet. One day, Keith would have to let go. 

(She knows that she’ll have to let go too.)

* * *

Keith knew it was a bad idea, but he had to do it. 

He slipped out of his room early one morning, leaving a sleeping Pidge on her side of the bed. He made no noise as he made his way to the room that housed the grand piano, the one that he hadn’t touched in months. (They had decided to let him go home to his actual house for a few days before returning to the hospital.)

The library full of sheet music hadn’t changed since he had left, he discovered, with his favorite piece still on his piano. The eerie stillness of his home without Krolia and Shiro around to fuss over him being out of bed was welcome, for once in his life. 

He sat down at the piano, lifting his trembling hands to the keys before gently pressing down, going up and down the scale before starting the actual piece. 

It was no surprise when he heard her come stumbling down the halls three minutes later, cursing loudly in the empty house. He could hear Cosmo trotting alongside her—the traitorous dog loved her almost as much as he loved Keith. 

She burst into the room, ready to lecture him, only to stop as she stared at him. Keith paid no heed to that, not even sparing her a glance as he closed his eyes and continued playing, no matter how much his hands detested being forced to move around so much. 

He finished with a grand huff, raising his hand in the air. It stayed there for a few seconds before it fell to his side, Keith slumping forward his wheelchair, drained of energy. 

Pidge let out a yelp and came up to him, picking up the Love’s Sorrow sheet music that he had tossed to the side before helping him up. 

“Keith? Keith, are you okay?!”

He let out a small laugh, feeling the girl go still in his grip. 

“Keith?” she asked quietly. 

“Damn it,” he continued with a soft laugh, “damn it, damn it, damn it!” 

He began to tremble under her grip, his eyes clouding with tears.

“I hate this, I hate this, I hate this! I hate this so much! I hate feeling useless, I hate being stuck in a wheelchair practically all the time now, I hate being the center of looks of pity, I hate not being able to do what I want to anymore! I hate it so much!"

He sniffled, holding onto her tightly. 

“I'm so sorry that everything is about me. Look at you, you're going to get gray hairs for worrying over me!" He laughed weakly, tears still running down his face before frowning.

“I should be the one asking about how you are and what you like. You worry enough about me. Why can I just worry about you and not myself?” He shuddered slightly, closing his eyes. 

“How are you? Have you eaten? Are you getting enough sleep? How's your day going? There are other things I don't know about you that I'd love to know. What are your passions? What are your deepest fears? Do you cook? Do you like anime? So many things I don't know...so many things I _want_ to know.”

He let out another sob, clenching onto her shirt tightly. “So many things I want to do for you, so many things I want to know every single day. So many things I wish I could do...and yet...I know that I won’t...won’t be able to…”

He let out another shudder, Pidge closing her arms around him tightly. 

“I’m scared. I don’t want to die,” he cried, letting out the truth that he had hidden for so long. “I don’t want to leave you! Katie, I don’t want to leave you!”

He sobbed even harder, going limp in her arms. All he could do was sit in her tight embrace, feeling her tears fall on his head, her fingers gently running through his hair. 

( _‘I wouldn’t be able to live without you either,’_ Pidge thinks to herself while crying with him.)

* * *

Pidge knew that Keith would never be able to make it to Hunk’s birthday party the moment he woke up with a fever, his face burning. 

Shiro rushed him to the hospital, where the doctors yell at him for not bringing him back earlier, but they took care of Keith anyways. All Pidge, Krolia, and Shiro could do was sit in the room with him, looking worriedly at him. 

Pidge hated seeing him so sick. His once bright face was all pale now, his lips chapped and his eyes grey. He looked...dead. He wasn’t, but he was slipping away faster than the doctors anticipated. 

She had to be pushed back to school by Keith, who was backed up by Hunk and Lance. The two didn’t want to leave him, but they had no choice. Their official reports for the competition committee were due today. 

“I don’t want to leave you,” Pidge pouted, reaching a hand up to brush against his cheeks. “I want to be here with you.”

“So do I, but you have to show off our prize winning robot,” Keith replied, a small smirk on his face. “That’s what you love to do, no? Show off?”

Pidge flushed red, looking away from him. “Are you sure you’ll be fine?”

“For the twentieth time today, _yes_ ,” he said exasperatedly. “Go to school and kick ass!”

She managed to make it to school, but couldn’t pay any attention to whatever bullshit her teachers were spewing out. Not even Allura’s class could make her focus, and she adored calculus, despite it being a pain in her ass.

The meeting came and went, with the team introducing their general design to Coran, who then gave them the paperwork to fill out to officially submit their projects. They had no name for the project, despite loving it to death. 

“We’ll figure that out later,” Allura said with a small smile.

Pidge felt something cold seep through her soul as she realized that no one had mentioned Keith’s name, despite it being on their minds. She yanked the form from Allura’s hands, writing down Keith’s name under Shiro’s, who had filled it out last.

“He’s a part of our group too,” she said, handing Allura the form. 

The woman only smiled sadly, nodding before handing it off to Coran. 

Before heading home with Matt, who demanded that she have dinner with them today, Lance caught her at the front entrance, holding out a piece of paper.

“Keith wanted you to have this.” He shifted his gaze to the the floor, a frown on his face. “Don’t worry. I didn’t read it.”

He sent her a small smile and waved goodbye, walking out of the school and leaving her alone in the hallway.

She frowned and unfolded the piece of paper, her eyes catching on the title.

‘Bucket List.’ Her frown deepened as she read over the list, eyes widening when she realized what was checked off.

**Go on a date with Pidge. ✔**

(Why was that checked off? She didn’t know.)

* * *

Keith loved his friends and family.

That was his only explanation for why he was allowing himself to be coddled by them, Allura on FaceTime with him. The woman had gone off to England for a couple of days to be with her father, but still checked up on Keith constantly. 

By that, Keith meant every _two fucking hours_.

“I’m getting better, I swear!” Keith said in mock submission, rolling his eyes. “You don’t have to call every two hours, Allura. You’re my sister in law or whatever, but I haven’t changed in two hours.”

“Sister in law?” Shiro echoed, face reddening. “Keith, please shut up.”

“You love my voice,” Keith glared. “Anyways, Allura, I heard you guys haven’t found a name for the robot. Why? We already named all the mini lions. Why not give the whole thing an actual name?”

“Naming something so majestic and complex takes time. Besides, I highly doubt that any name is good enough for the robot itself.”

“Bullshit,” Keith snorted, grimacing when Lance tugged on a strand of hair a little too harsh. “Lance, don’t rip off my entire scalp!”

“I’m trying,” Lance pouted, making Pidge laugh, the girl nestled against his chest. 

“Allura, please come back. We need an actual professional to deal with Keith’s weird braiding demands.”

“I’ll be back by next week,” Allura laughed. “Back to your proposal, Keith. What would you suggest naming the robot?”

“Isn’t it obvious? Voltron,” he smirked. 

Hunk looked up from his notebook, where he was currently trying to figure out a calculus problem.

“Why Voltron?”

“It’s our group project, right? Well, we’re the group that made it, and our name is Team Voltron. It makes perfect sense!”

“You didn’t even like the name team Voltron until last year,” Lance laughed. “Really, dude? Naming it after something you didn’t like until recently? How about we name it Holtron, then?”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that,” Pidge grinned.

Hunk rolled his eyes. “Keith, buddy, I am the cheese master, but that is too cheesy for me. Right, Allura?”

“It is rather cheesy, but I do kind of like it,” she smiled. “Tell you what. When I come back next week, we’ll figure it out in person. Sound fair?”

“If I even live that long,” Keith mumbled before nodding. “Sure. Shiro will be waiting for you when you come back. Hopefully with a ring, too.”

Pidge laughed, watching Shiro flush red.

“Keith, stop.”

“Nope. We miss you, Allura. Hurry up and come back already. We miss the mom friend of the group.”

“That’s why you have Hunk,” she giggled. “I have to go. Coran is screaming about a killer machine or something. Goodbye, Keith!”

The call ended, and Pidge poked Keith’s cheek. Keith looked down at her, only to raise a brow in confusion when she handed him a ticket.

“What’s this for?”

“We all got some for the competition. We figured that you...might like one too.”

Something inside of Keith’s chest clenched tightly––his heart, he supposed––and he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head.

“Thank you.”

(He knew as well as she did that he wouldn’t make it to that date.)

* * *

“I hate this,” Keith mumbled, resting his head on her head. “It’s so embarrassing.”

“Shut up,” she laughed, holding his legs with her arms, walking up the steps slowly. “I’m surprised I haven’t fallen yet. You know, since you’re taller than me by like a foot.”

“That’s why it’s embarrassing,” he sighed. “I should be the one carrying you, not you carrying me. You’re going to stay short forever, and that’ll be my fault. What will you tell the kids? ‘I stayed short because Keith sat on my back’?”

Pidge grinned. “Keith, shut up and accept it. You sound like a girl with how much you complain. You could even pass as Lance if I squint enough.”

“Yeah, but I’d like to be a pretty girl with a nice face and body, not one who’s a sack of bones,” he grumbled. “You make one fat joke, Pidge, and I’ll–”

“You’ll what? Spank me?”

“No!”

She laughed, pushing the door to the hospital roof open with her foot. Keith looked up at the sky, eyes filling with wonder and amazement as he saw the snow fall down on them, Cosmo jumping excitedly in front of the pair.

“It’s snowing,” he gasped, sticking his hand up in the air and smiling when the snowflakes hit his palm.

Pidge shuddered in the cold, setting Keith down on one of the benches. She quickly pulled out a few blankets that she had brought up, Keith helping her lay out the basket he had brought up. They set it up in the middle of them, placing small pastries on their styrofoam plates.

Pidge hated the cold, but Keith loved the snow. She loved him more than she hated the snow, and had helped bring him to the roof upon his insistence.

“You know I don’t eat,” he pouted.

“Yeah, but at least try it,” she urged, grabbing a spoon and a cup of jello out of the basket. “At least eat this, okay?”

“Fine.”

They spoon feed each other for a while, staring out at the snowy covered tops of nearby buildings, Cosmo jumping around and trying to eat the snow as it fell on his nose and tongue. There were no other people up there, and with good reason. Who was crazy enough to sit in the snow and freeze their ass off?

She and Keith were, apparently.

“Do you regret it?”

Pidge was snapped out of her thoughts, looking at him with a small frown. “What?”

“Do you regret meeting me?” he asked, looking at her with faded eyes. “Do you ever regret loving me?”

“No,” she responded quickly, her face scrunching up in indignation, “no, of course not. Why would you ever think that I would regret meeting you?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, looking down at her hands. “If you had never met me, you wouldn’t be in pain. You wouldn’t have to go through the pain you’re feeling now and will feel later on. You’d be happier, not even knowing that I existed.”

“Keith…”

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, eyes filling with tears, “I’m sorry for making you go through this. You...you’d be happier if we never met, I like to think. You deserve so...so much better than me. All I can do for you is...is…”

“No,” she said fiercely, grabbing his cheeks between her hands. “No, my life would not be better without you. I love you, Keith Kogane, with all my heart. I don’t care if you’re with me for another day or another ten years, I don’t care. All I care about is knowing that you’re here now, and that I’m with you now. The only thing that matters is the now, Keith.”

“I am never going to regret meeting you, even if you leave me,” she smiled, her own eyes welling with tears, “so get that out of your mind, okay? Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Keith sniffled, smiling slightly. “Even if we met when I spilled coffee all over your headphones?”

She laughed, leaning over to pull him into a hug. “Yes, Keith. Even if we met with you ruining my shit.”

Keith let out a small laugh, raising his hands to wrap them around her upper torso.

“One day, I’m going to...to take you on a real date. We...we’re going to go to the movies, and then...then we’ll see fireworks...it’s going to be so beautiful, Katie. So, so beautiful.”

Pidge chuckled lightly, her tears beginning to spill over. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Keith. I hope you do keep your promise.”

“Of course I will.”

(Sadly, he doesn’t keep his promise.)

* * *

It hits her like a ton of bricks when she and her friends are called out of school the next week, their parents telling them the same thing.

Keith would not wake up.

It was the dreaded moment that she knew was coming, and the one she still wasn’t prepared for, despite having months to prepare. 

Sitting in the waiting room with all her friends who looked as sad and heartbroken as she felt did nothing to help her. All she could do was hold back the urge to cry as she was led up to his room with everyone beside her, Lance and Hunk holding onto her tightly as they made their way up. 

When they made it, all she could do was stare at his lifeless figure on the bed, connected to so many breathing machines. His skin was more pale than it had been before, his hair splayed out around him, and his lips chapped and void of any color. 

She was still so in love with him.

“His organs are failing,” the doctor said quietly, “and we can’t do anything to stop it. We can keep him on life support, but eventually, that will cease to work as well.”

He paused, looking at the group remorsefully. 

“I think it’s time for you to begin saying your goodbyes.”

At that, Krolia burst into fresh tears, Shiro and Allura hugging her, trying to do anything to comfort the woman. The other mothers and fathers could only bow their heads in silence, the children and siblings hugging each other quietly. All eyes travelled to the group, who were staring at Keith numbly.

“Can...can we have some time alone with him?” Lance asked quietly, looking up at the doctor.

He nodded and ushered everyone else out of the room, leaving Pidge, Hunk, and Lance alone with Keith. Shiro and Allura waited with Krolia outside, giving them some privacy.

“Keith…” Pidge mumbled, reaching out to touch his cheeks, “oh, Keith…”

She let her head fall, grabbing his hands, which weighed almost nothing. Lance and Hunk sat on the other side of the bed, letting their tears fall as they held onto Keith’s other hand, Lance reaching a hand up to brush Keith’s bangs.

“Mullet…”

“Keith…”

Pidge caressed his hand gently, her eyes welling with tears. “Can you hear me?”

Keith didn’t respond, the only response being the continuous tone of the heartbeat machine behind his bed, the heartbeat she knew so well from laying on his chest nightly, falling asleep against him. He lay completely still, eyes closed, his lashes lightly dusting the top of his cheeks.

“It’s me,” she sniffled, licking her lips. “Why are you fighting, Keith? For what? You need to rest.”

“Yeah,” Lance supplied, face stained with tears, “that’s what Hunk and Shiro always tell you to do. Rest, mullet. You don’t have to fight anymore.”

“You always push yourself so hard,” Hunk choked out, “and it’s time to rest, Keith. Rest.”

“Rest,” Pidge repeated, her tears falling freely, “you’ve earned it.”

She squeezed his hand, smiling sadly at him.

“You hear me, Keith? It’s okay. You can rest now. Shiro, your mom, Lance, Hunk, and me? We’ll be fine.”

She inhaled sharply, laying her head on his chest. “I understand, Keith. Rest. You’ve fought a long battle. I understand.”

They sat there a while longer, holding onto Keith tightly, with tears falling down their cheeks and hands linked together. Nobody had the heart to separate them, even when Krolia gave the all clear for him to be unplugged.

(Pidge only weeps harder when he's finally unplugged and the heart monitor flatlines. _I understand_.)

* * *

April. The season of cherry blossoms and flowers. The season Keith had always loved more than winter.

Pidge fumbled her way through the streets of Altea, Lance and Hunk having have left her a while ago in favor of going home, promising her that they would meet up with her later to go out with Allura and Shiro. She had only nodded in response, going her own separate way. 

She had to do something first.

She pulled out a letter from her pocket, one that had sat there for weeks since Shiro had first given it to her. It sat like a heavy weight in her pocket, the girl unable to open it without feeling the need to cry. 

Today, though, was different. Today, they had unveiled their robot and won first place at the competition. They had named it Voltron, after Keith’s earlier insistence. It was like a memorial for him, in a way. One that meant so much for the group, who had laughed and cried when they told the head committee the exact story of how the name came to be.

Keith was listed as one of it’s creators, the lion he had finished during his last days shining so brightly next to the others. They named it Red after his favorite color. 

She knew she was ready to open the letter when they mentioned his name and she didn’t immediately feel the urge to cry, only doing so when Shiro broke down laughing and crying over the Voltron memory. It was one they would treasure forever.

She inhaled sharply before opening the letter, composing herself before reading it.

_Hey, you. I mean, dear Pidge._

_You were just here, hugging and feeding me, and now I’m writing you a letter. Kinda crazy, right? Anyways, to get to the point._

_You are the worst. Indecisive. Stubborn. Perfect._

_When I first saw you, it wasn’t at the coffee shop. I first saw you when I was a freshman, you sitting in the back of the class, doodling in your notebook during our Spanish lecture. You never paid attention to anyone, and you never saw me. But I saw you. You used to have long hair that reached your back and circular glasses that you hated (and I knew that because you always took them off when we took class pictures.) I didn’t know you, but for some reason, I felt like I just had to know you._

_That was fate, I guess. After all, it was fate that brought me to you when I actually talked to you after spilling coffee all over your headphones. I laugh thinking about how much you wanted to hate me, only to loosen up when I called myself an idiot. You marched up to me and demanded we be friends the same day we had started off hating each other. Go figure._

_I knew I was sick at the time, but I didn’t understand just how bad it was. I realized just how bad it was when I couldn’t run without feeling the urge to throw up, something that you caught onto more faster than anyone else. I’ve never been completely well, and I was just waiting to hear the death sentence. The doctor told me we could try treatment, but it most likely wouldn’t work. That’s when I knew that my time was running out._

_I was scared about letting you in at first (and Shiro can testify that much). I knew I liked you, but I didn’t want to. I was afraid that if I let you in, you would make me want to live again, even if I was resigned to just living out the rest of my days until I died without warning. I thought that you would just comply and not do anything about it, and I stayed afraid for a good while._

_Then I actually fell in love with you, and you completely ruined my plans. You are absolutely the worst, Pidge._

_I fell in love with when you worried more about me than I worried for myself. Slowly, I started letting you in. I was still trying to keep myself with the mindset that I was going to die, and that I shouldn’t lead you on. You, however, had other plans._

_You made me want to live, even when I knew that it was virtually impossible for me to do that. So instead of staying confined to bed with Shiro and my mom to take care of me, I decided to live my life how I wanted to. I made the bucket list, the same one that you helped me complete. Everything except for the date, of course. I’m sorry about that, by the way. I hope someone will take you out on a proper date one day, even if it isn’t me._

_You completely changed my view on the world. I used to see in muted colors of grey, black, and white, but with you, my entire world filled with color. It’s funny, because you never realized just how full of life you are, but you made me want to live like that. Slowly, you helped me feel happier, even on the shittiest days when I wanted to die already. All I had to do was remind myself that you were expecting me to live, and that was enough for me to stay alive until you came to give me my daily kiss._

_You changed my world and me. I know I’m going to die, but I can die happily knowing that I loved you the best I could and that you loved me back, diseased and all. You stood by my side, and for that, I am forever grateful for. You made the shitty days less shitty, and you gave me a life again. You gave me life within the numbered days, and for that, I’m so grateful for. Shiro once talked about how he hoped that a guardian angel would be sent down to help me want to live again. I guess I found that guardian angel in you._

_I want you to promise me one thing, okay? When they ask you who I was, I want you to smile and tell them our story. Don’t forget about me. I know I’ll never be able to forget you, even in death. You were my first love, and I’m thankful that I got to love you. You are amazing, perfect, and all I ever wanted and needed. You made me feel loved, and I can only thank you for that._

_I guess that what I’m trying to say is, well, thank you. Thank you for changing my life for the better and making my death a little bit easier. Thank you for being by my side. Never forget me, okay? Move on, but don’t forget me. If you forget me, I’ll come back and haunt all of your sorry asses. I’m sorry that I never ate all that food you brought me, and I’m sorry for making you worry so much._

_But here’s the truth, Katie. I love you. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts to breathe. I love you to the sky and beyond, and I’ll never stop loving you, even when I die. I never said it out loud, but I love you more than words can explain. I can only hope that you love me enough to never forget the memories and moments we shared (especially the kisses)._

_Thank you for going on this journey with me, Katie. I hope you find happiness in someone else one day, and that that sparkle in your eyes never goes out. That you’ll smile up at the stars and say ‘I lived’ when you’re old and have grandchildren, smiling instead of crying when you remember me._

_I love you. Thank you for everything._

_–Keith._

Pidge looked up at the tombstone in front of her, her eyes going soft, Cosmo nuzzling her shin lightly. She let out a small laugh, eyes wet, as she leaned down to pet his head.

“You are full of so many surprises,” she said quietly, reaching out the hand holding the letter to rub the earth under his tombstone. 

_In loving memory of Keith Kogane, age 17. Loving pet owner, son, boyfriend, brother, and friend._

Pidge let out a choked laugh as she wiped her eyes, smiling at the picture that they had placed on top of his tombstone. They stood in the picture with Keith, who was wearing his favorite red jacket that Pidge had given him for his birthday, with Pidge pressing a kiss to his cheek. Lance and Hunk formed a heart above their heads, Matt, Shiro, and Allura laughing from beside the group. New Years, the last one he ever celebrated.

“Hey, Keith? I swear you’re a poet,” she laughed shakily, licking her lips while Cosmo laid his head on the earth above Keith. “Writing a letter like that. Who gave you the right to make me cry like that?”

No response. She laughed again, shaking her head and smiling at the tombstone fondly.

“I miss you, you idiot. We all do. But I think that...that we’ve mourned enough.” She sighed, closing her eyes. “I’m never going to stop loving you, Keith. I hope you realize that.”

She grunted, opening her eyes and glaring at the tombstone. “If you worry about me in death, I’m going to snipe you when I see you again. You bet your ass that I’ll do that when I finally die, too.”

She settled back and laughed, petting Cosmo fondly. “If there’s anyone who should be thanking you, it’s me. You gave me a reason to laugh and fight, and you gave me a newfound love for life. I’m always going to treasure you, so so much. Thank you for fighting for me, even when you knew it was futile. Thank you for just being you.”

She sighed, petting the earth fondly. “Thank you.”

“Pidge!” A voice called out, loud and clear in the quiet cemetery.

She and Cosmo both whipped their heads around, both met with the sight of Lance waving at them.

“Are you ready to go? Shiro and Allura are waiting for us to get going!”

Pidge smiled and nodded before turning around to pat the ground fondly once more, closing her eyes.

“Thank you, Keith.”

(She means it with all her heart.)

**Author's Note:**

> Writing the ending made me cry, if I'm going to be completely honest. I hoped you guys enjoyed this fanfic (I know I enjoyed writing it even if I did cry while doing so). This was very loosely inspired by Your Lie in April, especially the letter part. Thank you for reading! <3


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